self

my body and mind are still in 'vacation' mode and i should be forcing myself into bed so i start this week on a well-rested note. however, this aforementioned mind of mine is swirling with all kinds of thoughts. and since my husband is in minnesota for work and it is too late to call someone...here i am. in the interest of going to bed soon-ish and (hopefully) clearing my mind, i'll attempt brevity.
for as long as i can remember, i just wanted to be a good kid/student/daughter/sister/friend. i'm not sure where it came from...but it was just there. as i grew older, my desire to be 'good' remained, but took on more meaning as i gauged my actions, thoughts and words against the example of Jesus. i want to be like Him - loving, patient, generous, forgiving. and what is currently occupying my mind is who i am in Him -- the good, the bad and the in-between. i want to embrace the good, transform the bad and adjust the in-between to become the person He desires me to be.
lately, i've been 'battling' with the bad that to wants to surface - the selfishness, the attitude, the negative filter. when i am so wrapped up in myself and negative feelings, it's difficult to love, be patient, be generous and forgive. it's left me where i am now - feeling that my purpose is off-track, that my attitude is keeping me from who i can be, and that being a negative nellie is just no fun - for anyone!
tonight, i finally recognized the flaws in my attitude and acknowledged the need for change. there is no quick fix or simple answer to anything i've put out there all i can do is pray and be patient that God will bring about the changes in me. i've just felt 'off' for a little while now...but i have faith that He will bring me back to where i need to be.
may you all have a wonderful monday and a blessed week.

p.s. a song that touched my heart long ago...and again tonight.
Your love is all I have
it brings me to the floor
i can't ignore the way You make me feel
Your eyes are fixed on me
Your words will light my way
from day to day I will never need a thing
You're faithful to the end
You've let me know through every circumstance You will never leave my side
You're closer than my breath
You're always on my mind
and still there's room for more of You in my life
invade my very heart
change me until I am who You are
come and fashion me until every part is how You desire
those stains that covered me
they all have disappeared since You came near
You've made me like a child
now I see through Your eyes the way it ought to be
You're calling me to never compromise
invade my very heart
change me until I am who You are
come and fashion me until every part is how You desire

~'fashion' by jason morant~