Monday, July 31, 2006


yay - i am now 'unemployed'! :)
after working for bed bath and beyond for the last month and a half, my last day was yesterday. in the spirit of reflection - what have i learned? first off, working in retail is something i haven't done since high school and while it was a fun experience and an opportunity to meet some great new people, i am glad that this industry will not be my life's work. i need structure and a set week-to-week schedule...and no weekend shifts will be nice, too. :) on a more positive note, i am now almost annoyingly (in the opinions of my mom and husband) educated about random products we sold. so if you are in the market to purchase fine china, fancy flatware, overpriced stemware or gaudy wedding keepsakes, i can bore you with details about all kinds of things. all in all, it was a fun and easy way to pass time while matt was at work, but i am glad to have nights and weekends back.
with the end of this 'chapter', it means that my summer vacation is coming to a close. i'm realizing that time has flown by so quickly! the wedding seems like forever ago...and it was only 2 and a half months ago. to be honest, i'm okay that time has passed quickly because in this short time, we've settled into a schedule and lifestyle that works for us. of course, that schedule will probably need to be adjusted once i start teaching - but i know we'll adapt and make it work. life is great and i am just looking forward to the next few weeks of freedom and relaxation, where i can spend time with matt without other things weighing on my mind. this is a unique and special time. i need to seize this 'honeymoon phase' and embrace it before real life takes over everything and the 'honeymoon' feeling is sadly replaced by lesson plans, hard drives (matt's work) and chores. :)
this post has no real point to it...i'm just talking about stuff. i suppose that is what blogs are for - a venue to talk/vent/ramble without anyone actually needing to listen. to those reading, thanks for 'listening'.
~jill :)

Friday, July 28, 2006

being (almost) grown-up

exactly one month from today, i will have completed my first day as a full-fledged first grade teacher. there will be no master teacher to defer to if i mess up - it's just me and the kids. i am at the same time excited beyond belief and scared out of my mind. new circumstances are always met with worry and doubts about how things will work out. while at this time i feel like i am in no way qualified/prepared to teach twenty english-language learners - i know that i would not have been hired if the principal hadn't felt that there was some shred of competency and ability in me. basically, i know that i am my own worst critic and fretting only makes it worse. :
while the day-to-day teaching and lesson planning will keep my plate full, what is dominating my thoughts are the first crucial days. in the first week, i need to set the tone for the rest of the year in terms of discipline, routines and my own expectations of the students. during both of my student teaching assignments, i came into an established classroom and only needed to observe how the teacher did things and then emulate their proven methods when i was the full-time teacher. i didn't have to initiate and establish anything on my own - which means i have little experience in this regard. right now, my head is so full of ideas from textbooks, other teachers and college lectures that i just need to filter through the ideas and decide what works for me.
so, whatever your beliefs, prayers, happy thoughts, crossed fingers or whatever would be greatly appreciated as i dive into this new endeavor and begin preparations.

other than minor anxiety over the things to come, life is blessed. my last day at bed bath and beyond is sunday. it's been fun, but i'm ready to have my weekends with the hubby back. also, matt and i have decided to seek out a new church closer to home. we've been part of a church in fremont (about 30-40 minutes away) and as much as we love the service, the drive (and traffic) takes it out of us. finding a church is never easy, but i know we'll eventually find something that suits both of us. hopefully sooner, rather than later. :)

since it's friday, i'll say happy weekend all! i will be spending the majority of it at bb&b. :( hope your weekends are more eventful and fun.
~jill :)

Thursday, July 27, 2006

'we' instead of 'me'

when i was in high school, my parents (out of parental worry and the goodness of their hearts) established a quasi-strict, at least by my 17-year old standards, curfew. going places and doing things needed permission or approval in some form or another. being the rule-abiding and 'good clean fun' girl that i was, it didn't bother my much. sometimes, i just itched for some more freedom - not to do bad things, but just to be able to compeltely make my own decisions about what i did, who i did it with, etc.
once i left for college, i was granted that freedom. just as i did during high school, i was still a 'good clean fun' kind of girl. for me, this freedom meant ordering a pizza from woodstock's at 10:00 at night, starting a movie after midnight, going to a friend's dorm/apartment when i should be at home studying/sleeping. i truly enjoyed being able to make a decision that did not require me to consult with anyone else. as small as these decisions were, i was the only opinion that mattered. as i write this, i realize it was a selfish mind-set to have...but in the world of roommates, it was acceptable to 'do my own thing'.
now, months after finishing college and the lifestyle i maintained throughout those five-ish years, i find myself in a situation similar to my pre-college days. in may, i married my best friend, matt. prior to our wedding, i was living/finishing student teaching in slo while he was working hard and bringing in the bacon in san jose. though we were still together, we lived our separate lives in different cities. for the last two months, i have been so fortunate to finally be able to see him every day, talk to him (in person, that is), share a bed with him and all the other blessings that come along with marriage.
but there is this small part of me that is still getting used to the idea of being a 'we' instead of 'me'. i got so used to doing what i wanted when i wanted. if i was hungry for something, i could hop in my car and go get it ~it didn't affect anyone. to do that same exact thing now, i feel compelled to get him on board wityh me so that whatever it is can be something we do together since i don't want to be off by myself when i could spend time with him.
i know this should not be a surprise to me ~ but compromise is something i will continually need to work on in my marriage. we do a pretty good job or 'trading off' things that one of us enjoys more than the other. it will take time to get completely used to the concept that we are now a 'package deal'.
instead of viewing marriage as giving up the independence and freedom i grew accustomed to during college, i want to look at it as an opportunity to support him in things he wants and also allow him to support me in things i want wihtout feeling guilty. this rambling probably has little focus/cohesion, but i have been thinking about my feelings towards how i used to live my life and how it is different now. embracing this new life ~ and all the wonderful advantages and joys associated with it ~ is all i need to refocus my thinking. :)