uncertainty

matt is back at work finishing a project, so i figured i'd take this opportunity to venture into the bloggie world and give a little update (and have some looks at friend's pages). where to begin? my last post was on the eve of my first day in my own classroom. after two weeks, i can simply say that teaching is a learning experience. it is hard. it is draining. it is fun. it is amusing. it is rewarding. every day reveals a new opportunity for learning. i have learned time management like never before. i have learned the importance of the few hours i spend with these children everyday. i have learned that first graders can be gullible - and that is can work to my advantage (ask me about "invidible fleas"). i have learned that even when i want to go home and give up, this is what i am supposed to do. it fulfills me and brings me joy. :) and it's only just begun.
and now i wish that this is where this post can end. but i have an additional reason for my post ~ this incredible and valuable learning may be short-lived. our school, and the district as a whole, are under-enrolled which means that there is a need for fewer teachers all around. at my school, they need three teachers instead of four and since i am the only new teacher at my site, i am first in line to be relocated/released.
while no official decisions have been made yet, it is likely that i will be moved or let go. leaving my school and my sixteen students would be awful, but a relocation would be better than nothing. unfortunately, nothing is also a possibility. my contract is for temporary employment, which i understood as a one-year contract. however, i found out that temporary can mean whatever it needs to mean - and could result in me not having a job.
i hate to freak out about something that is only speculation, but i feel like i need to prepare myself for whatever may come. my principal told me that he wanted to let me know what the possible outcomes were, just in case he was told he had to let me go. the fact that he told me makes me think that it doesn't look good - but keep telling myself that i can't lose hope. i know that he is pulling for me to stay at the school and i hope it does some good.
my mind is just all over the place about what could happen in different scenarios. if i am let go, then my pursuit of my clear credential would be delayed another year, thus delaying our plans to move out of state. could we live off one income? could i find another teaching job this late into the school year? if i am relocated, where would i go? what grade would i teach? so many questions. and at this time, no answers.
at this point, worrying will only make me stressed. i know that whatever comes of this will be the path i am supposed to take. i know that God is faithful and already knows my path. i just need to remind myself that my life is in His hands. easy to say...but harder to remember. i hope and pray that this journey i am on will continue, but at this point i also need to realize that my hopes and prayers are on such a small scale. hopefully this post will have a follow-up where everything is fine and i can laugh off the worry i am feeling now.
if you can, keep me in your thoughts and prayers as these next few days pan out. i don't know if these thoughts are coherent. to be honest, i am too lazy/drained to proofread. :)
besides this speed bump, life is great. i have the support of a husband that listens to me and hugs me while i cry it out and then tells me we'll be fine, no matter what. i have a job that i love - and the experience i have had so far has been worthwhile. we're part of a new church family and a great small group that is welcoming and encouraging. my family is great and supportive, too. and my sister is going to c.p. in less than two weeks - and i am excited to be able to visit her (and my old hometown). :) i have wonderful friends who encourage me and bring smiles to my face whenever i think of them (though i could be better about the keeping in touch thing).
so there it is - the good with the bad. i am tired and am off to relax in my comfy cozy bed. i hope you have a wonderful weekend of relaxation and good times. :)
~jill :)