this is the time of year

This is the time of year that brings me stress.

It's almost April, spring break is in a few weeks and, before you know it, June has arrived and I'm a blubbering mess as I hug my kiddos good-bye.

So, rewind to that little 'before you know it' part. That's the source of the stress.

Because, despite after-school interventions, homework modifications, small-group instruction, behavior plans, conferences, parent support (or lack thereof) and a million other little things - some of my students will not be ready for second grade.

And that breaks my heart.

This is the time of year when well-intentioned individuals-in-charge decide to stop by, asking questions and commenting on my little ones.

"What's going on with that student?" (I wish I knew!)

"He misbehaves in the cafeteria everyday." (He does the same thing in class all.day.long.)

"She doesn't know her sight words yet." (She knows 6 more than last week. Progress, right?)

"What are you doing to curb the tattling?" (They're six...there is no curbing.)

"Something needs to be done about their recess behavior." (Suggestions are welcome.)

On and on, saying things I already know and already worry about.

This is the time of year where I meet with parents for the third, fourth or eighth time to 'check in' and see how they're doing with the at-home activities I suggested at our previous meetings. And for the third, fourth or eighth time, that meeting usually ends with a shrug and an excuse from the parent and me filling out more paperwork and offering to help their child after school.

This is the time of year when I need to remind myself that I am doing my best and trying to support these students. I need to remind myself that some kiddos catch on in April or May or over the summer. I need to remind myself that even though I love my job and couldn't imagine doing anything else, I still need to make time for the people and things that I love outside the walls of my classroom.

Anything can happen in two months, right? :)

dos and don'ts

I don't fancy myself to be a 'writer'.

I don't know how to use 'our' fancy DSLR camera.

I don't craft or have an Etsy shop.

I don't have cute kiddos to photograph (yet).

I don't have a house full of flea market finds and Anthropologie doorknobs.

Sometimes, it seems that, in order to have a 'good' or 'worthwhile' blog, some combination of the above must be present.

It's been over a year since I posted on this site and it's been a doozy - full of devastating lows, hilarious highs and so much joy in between.

I remember thinking how nice it would be to be able to document and keep track of it all: the trips we took, the things my students said, the final weeks with my dad, the house projects we planned, the kitten shenanigans and everything else that makes up this life of mine.

And (duh!), I remembered that I can.

On this here blog.

Despite feeling like I'm not 'blogger-y' enough to actually have a blog, I want to use this little part of the interwebs as a scrapbook/photo album/journal of this life.

Because I do have a pretty awesome little life.

With a wonderful husband.

And an amazing and resilient family.

And a furry little kitten with 101 nicknames.

I do live in a lovely, little, work-in-progress house (primarily furnished by Target).

I do work with kiddos that encourage, amuse and frustrate - all in the span of a minute.

I do dabble in the kitchen (but also would likely die of starvation if not for Trader Joe's frozen foods aisle).

So, I'm hoping to get back in the habit of making note of the big things and little things.

Here goes...

:)

good-bye summer...almost. :)

one week from today, i will be done with my first day of my fourth year as a first grade teacher.
and even though i know i will be tired and wishing for lazy summer days in a few short weeks, i am so ready to get back in my room, working with kiddos and having a purpose for every day.
you see, summer is both a blessing and a curse.
at the end of the year, summer vacation (and a break from my beloved kiddos) cannot come soon enough and i anticipate all the sleeping in and free time i can enjoy. but after a few weeks, the sleeping in makes me feel lethargic and the free time seems to drag (trips to target + netflix dvds lose their appeal...who knew?). add to this a dearly missed husband who, unfortunately, had to travel for work during six of the eight weeks i had for summer break. i don't mean to complain, but after being part of a 'we' for the last five years, solo vacations just aren't as appealing.
as i have gone back to campus, the inevitable 'what did you do this summer?' question surfaces. and, with the exception of my wonderful trip to belize at the end of june and a short trip to monterey, my summer was pretty quiet. nothing big, nothing grand...just living life in everyday, regular ways.
the end of summer signals a change from my everyday, regular summer routines. it brings new challenges: a fresh school year, a classroom to decorate, lessons to prepare, twenty-plus students to meet/train/mold/teach.
i know myself and i know that in three weeks time, i will be griping to my family and friends about the crazy attitudes and wild misbehavior of my future first-grade kiddos.
but today, one week away from a new school year, i am eager and itching to get down to what i love - working with kiddos. :)

p.s can you all do me a favor when the griping commences? remind me of this wistful post about the joy of being back to work. i might need a reminder soon :)

lazy blogger. :/ plus belize. :)

i have been remiss in posting and updating this blog.
my initial purpose for this blog was to document things as they happened, so i could go back, look on it later and remember.
as you can, that has not been done very well.
so, as a way of reintroducing myself to the blogging process, i am going to be lazy and post the contents of an e-mail i sent about a missions trip i went on to belize.
my hope is that this baby step (finally posting!!!) will motivate me to fill in the gaps from february to now. :)
for now, enjoy reading about belize...and there will be more to come.

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I hope this e-mail finds you all well and enjoying your summer. It's hard to believe I've been home from Belize for almost a week and even harder to believe that just two weeks ago we were finally on our way to Crooked Tree! I just wanted to take an opportunity to share with you all about our whirlwind week where we were kept busy with opportunities to serve and show God's love to the community of Crooked Tree.
First of all, I wanted to thank you for all of your prayers – they were absolutely heard and felt. Our flights and all traveling went smoothly, our health was good (except for a case of mild dehydration and one puffy mosquito-bitten eyelid), our students stepped up and became leaders and our team worked hard all week long (despite tired and overheated bodies). It was a truly pleasure to serve and have some fun with this group of people.
Before I dive in, you all need to know that Belize is an absolutely beautiful country. We were lucky to be able to experience some of the different parts of Belize – the busy-ness of Belize City, the slower pace of Crooked Tree, the quiet calm of the jungle surrounding the Mayan ruins and the relaxed pace of island life. This country is full of such natural beauty – fruit trees everywhere, green plants, blue skies, clear waters – and I feel so blessed that I was able to see a little bit of it all.
Amidst the natural beauty and the crazy heat, we were given so many wonderful opportunities to serve and love the people of Crooked Tree. Since I don't want to write huge run-on sentences about our experience, here is a bulleted version of how we lived down in Crooked Tree. During our week-long stay, our team:
met and developed friendships with the Praying Pelican staff (Amy, Joy, Jesse and Mike) and Churchill (the elder at the Church of the Nazarene)

*slept on air mattresses (and in some cases, the floor!) in buildings on the church grounds
*ate the most fresh and delicious food prepared for us by the wonderful Carrie (chicken, rice, beef, potatoes, beans, fresh fruit, fresh fruit juice – all of it amazing)
*took cold 5-minute showers and enjoyed every single minute of it
*applied layer upon layer of sunblock and bug repellent (with DEET, of course)
*experienced nature, including cows/horses roaming the dirt roads, bats in our bedrooms, fire ants at the dinner table and frogs hiding in strange places
*drank bottle after bottle of purified water, which was necessary because...
*Belize is extremely hot and humid for us Californians and we were, to put it gently, glowing all week

Finally, and most importantly, our team was so blessed by all of the wonderful opportunities to serve and love the people of Crooked Tree in the name of Jesus. We went down there to serve them, but we all came back with stories of how the people, especially the adorable children, touched our lives as well. While we were down there, our team:
*played with children at an orphanage in Belize City (A funny story from our visit to the orphanage - for all the High School Musical fans out there, Cory (a boy on our team) reminded the little girls of Troy from the movies and they followed him around asking him about Gabrielle and asking him to sing for them. For the rest of the week, Cory was either called Troy or Zac. Funny that kids everywhere love that stuff. :))
*primed and painted the Crooked Tree Church of the Nazarene
*attended and helped lead church services with the congregation of the Nazarene Church
*cleaned up the homes and yards of elderly church members
*talked with village residents (and enjoyed the delicious goodies they shared with us – fresh mango and coconut, homemade lime juice, and lots of cashews, which are grown all over Crooked Tree)
*painted the house of an elder from a neighboring church
*led sports ministry for the children of Crooked Tree (we taught them ultimate frisbee and they taught us cricket)
*shared our personal testimonies in front of the church congregation (a BIG deal for our eighth graders, but they did an amazing job)
*helped a team from Tennessee with Vacation Bible School
*developed relationships with the adults and children of Crooked Tree (so much so that we're already considering next year's trip!)

After a busy week of hard work in the community, we were lucky enough to conclude the trip with an overnight stay on Caye (pronounced Key) Caulker, an island off the coast of Belize in the Caribbean Sea. During our brief trip, we snorkeled, saw the second largest barrier reef in the world and swam above sting rays. Some of my braver travel companions reached down and touched them. I did not, but giggled and shrieked nervously as they swam around me. Our island trip also included driving golf carts around the island, some requisite souvenir shopping, more delicious Belizean food and the luxury of air-conditioned accommodations.
Again, I want to thank you all for your support and prayers as we journeyed down to Belize. God provided for us and took care of us, so I know your faithful prayers were heard. It was an amazing trip and I will never forget the people we met, the things we did and the way of life down in Belize. I'd love to go back again, maybe next year. :)

Love, Jill

P.S. Since I was a big worrywart and didn't want to lose/break/damage my little digital camera, I brought down some disposable cameras. I was promptly made fun of by my team members (who did not worry like I did and brought their nice digital cameras) and they have promised to get pictures to me ASAP. Once I have them on a CD, I'll post them online somewhere so you can all see what we saw. :)

25 random things about me :)

i think i was officially the last person on facebook to do this survey. after reading and enjoying other people's lists, here is mine for the few people who read this but are not on facebook. :)
happy friday, friends. :)

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1. my pinkies are curved, like boomerangs. they amuse my husband.
2. my dad and i share the same birthday. (and even though i'm probably too old, we're going to disneyland for free to celebrate!)
3. i am in my third year of teaching first grade - and i think teaching little kiddos might stick. :)
4. almost every day for the last 2 and a half years, i have eaten a bagel, berry-ish yogurt, an apple and a diet coke for lunch. somehow, i'm not sick of it yet.
5. i love, love, love to do crossword puzzles...but can't always finish them, so i ask my smarty-pants husband for help. :)
6. i love to take recipes and tweak them to make them unique or work with what i have on hand...this only works about 75% of the time.
7. i love to wash the dishes - but hate to empty the dishwasher. luckily, my husband doesn't mind as much. :)
8. similarly, i love to do laundry and smell the dryer smell (my favorite!) - but i hate having to put the clothes away.
9. i'm bummed when matt has to go to korea for work - but i love being able to load up our netflix queue with all the girly stuff i want.
10. studying abroad in london was one of the best experiences i have ever had - great friendships, fun travels, amazing city.
11. i married my husband on our two year anniversary (which also happened to be mother's day).
12. i've always worn flats/low shoes because i was taller than most of my friends. having a 6'4" husband is helping me grow out of that.
13. serving with the people in children's ministry at fbcslo are some of my most fun memories of college.
14. i derive great joy and fulfillment from organizing and finding a place for everything in our house.
15. i have a ridiculous number of greeting cards (sorted and organized by content) that i have purchased throughout the years because i thought it was cute/funny and would be perfect to send to someone someday.
16. i love gummy bears. (i blame london and the constant presence of haribo)
17. i am a very heavy sleeper and have been known to sleep through both (yes...both!) of my alarms.
18. i love to read and have a growing stack of books to read, but i don't make enough time for it.
19. i get motivated to exercise...but then think about where should i run?, do i have time to shower?, is my ipod charged?...and i lose all momentum. :/
20. i wish i could speak spanish more fluently.
21. i have a black thumb and have 'successfully' killed the rose bushes, lilies and camellias that were alive when we moved into this house.
22. i'm eager to start a family...but am thankful to have a wonderful husband who keeps me in check and reminds me that babies cost money.
23. i am tickled by 'spring scape', the theme on my google homepage. mr. frog and lady bug are too cute - and yes, i named them. :)
24. my favorite color is orange. a student once told me that was not okay because i am a girl. um...is orange a boy color?
25. my life is infinitely blessed and full of hope. my God is good. :)

reasons why...

...i am smiling today. :)

first, and the major reason for my ear-to-ear grin, matt comes home tomorrow morning - after 20 days in korea. so excited to have him home and have a whole weekend of relaxing and enjoying being together again.

while having matt gone has been no picnic, having no work/school this week made it a little better. thanks to some of our former presidents, my district gives this whole week off.

because of the week off, i have had lots of free time. with this free time i have been able to:
*sleep in until i wasn't tired - nothing crazy, but being in bed at 8:30 feels like a luxury. :)
*read books (for fun!)
*watch lots of gilmore girls on dvd
*spend the weekend with my mom and dad - great concert, yummy meals, good wine, awesome displays of wii tennis
*hang out with some great friends - aimee, amy, nard-dog, sarah and andrea. :)
*make myself yummy (and fairly nutritious) meals
*listen to new music given to me by my hip dad - fleet foxes and the national are currently in constant rotation
*catch up on old podcasts that have been in my ipod for 6+ months (oops...), some of which made me laugh and cry in the same hour

needless to say, i am relaxed, happy and feeling pretty good. all i need now is my matthew, and it'll be perfection. :) well...almost perfection...i still need to clear matt's side of the bed after using it as my books/clothes/magazines/blanket holder. ;)

hope this weekend brings you plenty of things to smile about, friends. :)

one hundred days.

tomorrow marks the one-hundredth day of school for my little arbuckle scholars.
one hundred days of school...wow!
they are giddy about all things 100 (it is shouted with glee when we count to 100 daily).
and, to be honest, i am a little excited, too.
reaching 'milestones', even little ones like this, make me reflective and provide a perfect opportunity for me to observe and consider all that has happened.
honestly, these little kiddos never cease to amaze me.
one hundred {school} days ago...
...they were timid and shy.
...they knew the ABC's and some of the sounds.
...they could count to 30...maybe...on a good day.
...they knew thirty words by sight.
...they were completely dependent on me...for everything.
...they tattled like crazy.

tomorrow, one hundred {school} days later...
...they are vocal and familiar (mostly in a good way). ;)
...they know the ABC's, all of the sounds and some other things i throw in there to mess with them (you know, long vowels, diphthongs, digraphs, r-controlled vowels...the list goes on and on).
...they can count to 100...maybe...on a good day. :)
...they know at least 100 words by sight.
...they are becoming more and more independent (hooray for a precious few minutes of free time!)
...they still tattle like crazy (baby steps, right...).

at the beginning of every year, i am repeatedly shocked at what these students enter my classroom with...but i am even more shocked at how much they leave with on that last day of school. the hundredth day is past the halfway mark of the school year and it's hard to believe that in 80 {school} days, these kiddos will be moving down the hall to second grade.
sure, they make me crazy and question what the heck i'm doing some days. but all in all, they are amazing little people and i'm excited to celebrate 100 days of first grade fun with them tomorrow. :)

happy 100th day/wednesday, friends. :)

in 2009...

this holiday break has gone by in a blur. christmas time with both families, wii time everywhere, fun time with friends, busy time working on the house and a little bit of relaxing time thrown in there somewhere. it was vacation, after all. :)
it's hard to believe i have to actually go back to work on monday.
and teach the kiddos something (long o, i think).
and wake up before 9:00.
and not wear my jammies 'til lunch time.
i know i shouldn't complain because i am fortunate to get two weeks off - but wow did it go fast!
and it's crazy to think that another year has come and gone so quickly. i'm reminding myself it is 2009 because i know i will need to be reminding my learning lions that it is a new year...which will probably make their full, little brains want to explode.
every year, i make a mental list of all the things i should do/want to do/need to do and decide that those things should all be my resolutions. as you can imagine, having too many goals becomes a little overwhelming and they're all soon forgotten by mid-january.
so, this year, i've been trying to think of how to sum up what i want to accomplish in 2009. sure, there are still a million little things to accomplish (house projects, healthier diet, relationships, work, students, exercise, spiritual growth). but instead of focusing on each one and getting down on myself for not getting it 100% right, my goal is to appreciate and acknowledge the positive at any given time - to find the joy in every-day life.
rather than complain about a half-painted room or a partly finished bathroom, i will try to be happy that i have a house to live and play around with - and remember that we will finish it when we finish it.
rather than get frustrated at work, i will try to focus on the enthusiasm and perseverance of my kiddos - and remember that my job is to support, nurture and guide these students at their pace, not mine. :)
rather than get annoyed by someone i care about (matt, friends, family, coworkers), i will try to focus on all the reasons why i care about this person - and remember that whatever is bothering me now will probably not matter tomorrow.
rather than fret or worry, i will try to first seek God and know that He is in control. i will try to offer up my worries to Him - instead of complaining to the first available ear.
i think, i hope, this goal is managable for me. as the year progresses, i'm sure i'll ramble on about how i'm doing with acknowledgig the positive, instead of the negative.
i have a feeling 2009 will be a wonderful year...and gone before i know it.
happy new year/friday/weekend, all. :)

i'm alive... :)

despite the lack of activity on this blog, i am alive and well. :)
each day/week/month since my last post has been similar, which can present a struggle to write about the happenings of day-to-day life. there hasn't been much excitement...but it's been a good thing. in addition, i have been lucky enough to have my husband home for the last 2 1/2 months - which means i spend a little less time on the computer. but he left this morning for another three weeks in korea...so this blog might be getting some more attention. :)

my students are doing well. they're in this awesome stage where, suddenly, all the words around them start to make sense and they try to read everything. folks, we are days away from some of them exploding as little readers - and it warms my heart. in a given day, they can make me laugh, drive me nuts and beg me to make the school day longer (or shorter...depending on their mood).
even though we just got back from thanksgiving break, we're all well aware that christmas break is not too far away. a paper chain has been made to help quiet their desire to discuss santa and christmas presents 24/7 and we're about to begin rehearsals for the musical awesomeness that is the 'reindeer pokey'. all that said - first graders are fun. :)

matt and i are making some baby steps with the house we bought. we've decided that the cracks in the plaster walls have gotten the best of us and will always be there - so now we're ready to make amends with our walls and just cover the imperfections with some much-needed color and decor. after five-ish months, it's coming together and starting to look like a place where people live. and, someday soon, we think we'll actually be ready to have people over. after we buy some furniture for people to sit on, of course...:)

besides work and house, things have been good. our thanksgiving was spent with matt's extended family in texas. we were able to see everyone in his family over the course of our stay and enjoyed the opportunity to see people, wear short sleeves in november and experience some true texas 'cuisine' (specifically, bbq and mexican). it was nice to get out of town for a couple days...but i feel like i need a second little vacation to recover from my first little vacation. however, work beckons and i will have to settle for going to bed early. :)

for the three to five people who read this blog on occasion, i will try to keep it more updated and current. i know there have been times in the last few months when blog inspiration has struck...but then i never find the time to write it out. i will do my darnedest to further entertain/update you and, at the same time, chronicle the day-to-day stuff for myself.

happy week friends. :)

goals

every august, i have lofty goals for the coming school year.
i tell myself, my husband, my teacher friends and just about anyone else who will listen that i intend to leave at a 'reasonable hour' every day.
and, somewhere deep down, i actually believe i can do it.
then, reality sets in.
and my goal becomes wishful thinking.
the initial goal to leave my classroom at 5 is a distant memory as i try to really leave by 6 or 7.
and when matt is away in korea, it gets even worse and i let myself stay later - justifying that there's always stuff to do in b-07 and it's better than being home alone.

with all that said...if i don't start leaving earlier i just may go a little crazy. i'm realizing that staying at school til 7 or 8 is too much for me (duh!). eating dinner late is no help in my quest to maintain a healthy diet. getting home late = going to bed late = tired/cranky mrs. roberts in the morning. i've started to notice that when i don't give myself time to relax and just be - i'm not 'ready' to be there for my kiddos.
all the planning/copying/grading/organizing in the world means nothing if i'm not alert and mentally ready to be there for my learning lions all day.

i'm sure this is basic stuff to most people.
but it's harder for me to come by and i want it to be true in my life.
as much as i love my job, my students and my classroom - there needs to be more to me and who i am.
being at school for 10-12 hours a day will leave no room for other things - and the thought of that makes me sad.
so...i'm going to try to make the effort.
to make some time for me.
to try new things with all my new-found free time. :)
to spend time with the people i want to love most.
to do things around my house.
to enjoy my job...but also my life.

this fall, i'm setting a new goal.
the new goal will not be a specific time - because i know that there will be 'those days' that i need to stay late.
the new goal for this coming season (and the school year to come) is to seek and find balance in life.
wish me luck, friends. :)

house.school.life.

after being told by some loved ones that my last post was a major downer (sorry 'lamaro'), i figured i'd lighten the mood at 'golly gee' with a brief update on the last month. :)
~~~
we've been in the house for almost two months and it's starting to look like a place where actual people live. :) i think i'll be able to say this for awhile...but we're still working on the house. it'll probably be a never-ending cycle of renovation, repair and beautification.
despite the work to be done, we're enjoying our humble little abode and are loving the freedom to dream big...and wait until we have the money to follow through. i'll try to upload some of the pictures off my camera and post them soon.
~~~
school started at the end of august.
honestly, the first two weeks were really rough and i was having some serious concerns about the year to come. i've been told that i should never compare one class to another - so i'm working on that this year. last year, i had a great experience with my 'super cheetahs'...and i'm hopeful that this year with the 'learning lions' will be a positive experience, too.
one struggle is the fact that 75% of my students are at a level 1 and 2 in their english ability, which means they are still developing their vocabulary and skills of the english language. this can mean that i ask a question and am faced with a deafening silence and many blank stares. at first i was a little frustrated (not the best reaction)...and now i'm aware of their struggles and am trying to work with them at their level. it's growing me as a teacher and helping me to be more patient and creative with this group. they are a sweet and helpful bunch of kiddos and i'm eager to see where this year takes us. :)
~~~
besides the house and the job, life has been swell. we've been lucky enough to have plenty of quality time with great friends and our families - it's nice to be close enough to see the people we love often. we're also going to start helping with the junior high youth group at our church.
they made an announcement a few weeks ago...it sounded like a good idea...we inquired...we signed up...i hope that it is a good fit. :)
i think it'll be fun to interact with older kids, have some fun and help them to learn more about Christ at the same time. i just hope they like me...funny how junior high insecurity never goes away, even though i'm a full-fledged 'grown-up'.
~~~
ideally, my posts will be more frequent. realistically, i will be lame and post once a month. i know some blogs i read have done a 'picture-a-day' format...maybe that can be in the cards for october? i do love all things related to fall. if anyone wants to do that, let me know - maybe we can do it together and maybe it'll keep me accountable. :)
i'm off to staple practice books for my students to read tomorrow (darn me and my procrastination) and then go to bed to ready myself for another day with these kiddos. :)
happy week friends.

alone.

it's been awhile since i signed in to blogger.
so, this post could be about any one of the many things that have occupied my time in the last months - our trip abroad, our new house, what i've been up to all summer, the coming school year, etc.
sure, all of that stuff is swirling around in my mind somewhere..but my mind is currently caught up in thoughts of how blessed i am and how thankful i should be for it all.
a little backstory...
we bought a house in a cute and older neighborhood in east sj. (fyi: this house and all of the fun/drama associated with it will be another post...someday). in this cute and old neighborhood, there are many cute and old people. they've welcomed us with open arms and, to be honest, seem pretty excited to have some younger folks on the block.
one of the people we have met in our short month here is our next-door neighbor, phil. phil has lived in this house for many (30+?) years. two years ago, he lost his wife. most times that we see phil - whether it be watering the lawn, taking down the garbage bins or just locking up before we head out - he offers to help us out, if we need it, and mentions that he is usually at home, alone, especially since he lost his wife. it breaks my heart to hear the sadness in his voice every time.
tonight, as i ventured out to the front yard to turn on our sprinklers, i came across phil, tending to the grass seedlings he planted a few days ago. we started talking about grass (kind of one-sided, since i know nothing of grass...but i'm open to learning) and the work i've been doing in the house.
as i turned to go back inside, he asked me to wait - he wanted to show me a picture of his wife. since it was getting dark on our street, i offered to come to his porch but, being the kind old man he is, he invited me inside - you know, because of the bugs. the inside reminded me of my grandparents house...well, probably every grandparents house. collections and knick-knacks and photographs and memories...all neatly laid out on every possible surface. he took me around his living room, kitchen and sitting room - showing me pictures of his late wife, his children, his grandchildren and his great-grandchildren. as we walked and admired the pictures, he told me that his wife was always the one who kept the house in order - who updated the pictures in the frames, who did the decorating, who put things in their place - and he was trying to keep it just how she would have liked it. phil walked me to the door and, again, offered to help - if i needed it. i told him we'd come by again...and have him over, once things were a little more put together.
as i closed the door and walked across the grass to my own yard, i couldn't help but think about what he had said, how he wanted to keep it just as she has kept it. it was a thought that brought mixed emotions - happiness that he was surrounded by so many memories of his life with her, but also sadness that no number of objects/photographs/things-in-their-correct-place could replace the hole left by losing someone you love.
as i write this, my eyes are welling up a little bit (sorry...the tears come easy), just as they did when i walked across the grass to my house. visiting with phil did break my heart a little bit...but it also gives me cause to reflect on how blessed my life is and how i should be thankful for all i have. while i get upset about 'losing' my husband to three week business trips, there is always the promise of him coming home to me again. my struggle with 'losing' matt to samsung-korea is only temporary and visiting with my new friend, who has permanently lost the one he loves, has given me some much needed perspective on how fortunate i am to know that our separation is not for long.
this was probably a little too long-winded. oh well, i guess that's just me. but the point i hoped to make is this - it's good to be reminded of how blessed i really am. sad to say...i forget sometimes and end up in the land of 'poor me'. i'm a lucky girl who is so fortunate to have a loving (albeit sometimes overly-travelled ;)) husband, wonderful family, incredible friends and, now, supportive neighbors. :)
happy week, friends. :)

me mosaic. :)

~~~~~~
saw this mosaic idea on many other blogger pages and felt i should jump in.
i'm hoping that maybe this will get me back into a {fairly} regular blogging habit. :)
~~~~~~
here's how you can do it, too.
type your answer to each of the questions below into a flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the url’s into the mosaic maker.
~~~~~~
the questions:
1. what is your first name? (jill)
2. what is your favorite food? (white nectarines...at least for summertime)
3. what high school did you attend? (rocklin)
4. what is your favorite color? (orange)
5. who is your celebrity crush? (john krasinski...as jim, that is)
6. favorite drink? (margaritas)
7. dream vacation? (greece)
8. favorite dessert? (funfetti cake)
9. what do you want to be when you grow up? (teacher)
10. what do you love most in life? (my lord and savior)
11. one word to describe you. (fun - according to my sweet husband)
12. your flickr name. (jimaro)
~~~~~
here are the links to the photos in my mosaic above:
1. happy birthday to jill's junk
2. white nectarines
3. rocklin 3244
4. crayola store display #1
5. john krasinski
6. margaritas
7. dreaming of santorini - appropriate, eh? :)
8. unmarketable products - odd name, but yum yum yum!
9. teacher
10. risen
11. fish lips and a pair of silly glasses
12. no picture on flickr called jimaro...so here is one of lil' old me from my flickr stream. :)

bizeeeee!

hi all.

life is bizeeeee! (i've been hanging out with 1st graders too long - but seriously, phonetic spelling is way more fun!)
to sum up:
*school ended - i was glad to be done, but i will definitely miss these kiddos. they were a special and very bright bunch of scholars. they deserve a blog...just not today.
*i got roped into teaching summer school for a week. i got a bunch of kids from other teachers...and i was given absolutely no guidance about what they need help with besides 'reading, writing and math'. hmm...so...that pretty much means...EVERYTHING! anyways, i'm doing what i can and hoping it helps. my 'end of school' celebration is being delayed a bit - but it's coming. :)
*we bought a house in the bay area. crazy, huh? i kind of feel like i'm almost a grown up. the house is cute, old, has a beautiful tree and has an awesome orange vinyl bench in the kitchen. seriously...it is awesome. we 'close escrow' in one week. (still not quite sure what it means...but i know we get a key)
*matt has to travel again for work. the upside - he's going to belgium. the even higher-upside, i get to tag along! we're excited to explore belgium a bit...and then make some trips to some surrounding countries. plans are still up in the air, but it's a 90% company-funded trip to europe...so it's all good. :)
*i get to see some of my favorite people soon. a friend's wedding this weekend will reunite me with some of my favorite people (and some former roomies) from college. and hil returns (yippee!) - so i get to see some of my oldest and dearest for a date in berkeley.
good things abound. i'm doing my best to embrace all of this goodness...but it's a little difficult to not be overwhelmed. luckily, i am halfway through this week of summer school and will be with matt gallivanting around europe with my hubs in a week.
i can't complain. :)

happy mid-week to you all. :)

challenged.

friends, i am currently in the midst of a challenge.
this challenge has been with me since january.
this challenge was unexpected and, to be honest, unwelcomed.
this challenge has made me question my ability to teach and forced me to examine my patience and love towards others.

this challenge is a six-year-old girl.

as i type and re-read that, i feel like i should just turn in my teaching credential because i don't like feeling this way towards a child. as a teacher, isn't it my job to educate, nurture, support, build up and motivate every young person that enters my door? my challenge lies in the fact that i want to throw up my hands and move on in each of those areas. i want to give up on educating, nurturing, supporting, building up and motivating this one young person.

and that makes me feel a little sick in my stomach.
but it's how i feel.
and i'm having trouble reconciling these two competing trains of thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i suppose i should back-up a little bit to fill you in. in december of this school year, my principal came to me and mentioned a situation with a colleague of mine and a student in her class (this is the student). the mother was unhappy with my colleague for a variety of reasons and requested a transfer. at the time, i had an opening in my class and i was informed that, come january, this student would be a part of my class.
i'd heard a lot about this student from my colleague and, sadly, was expecting the worst based on her horror stories. i decided, over the winter vacation, to put aside what i'd heard and i would try be the best darn teacher this girl ever had. i would support her and do all the things my colleague neglected to do.
january rolled around and this student joined my class. as with any new student(s), the first days and weeks are good...everyone is still feeling each other out and we're all on our best behavior (teachers, included). and in those idealized early days, i made the effort to be whatever this child needed. i supported, made modifications and 'cut her some slack' because she was new to life in b-07.
that was in january.
in the last five (!) months, i have not kept my promise to myself and this student. i have let myself fall into a pattern of indifference, frustration and negative feedback. i have allowed the behavior of one child affect the way i interact with the rest of my students and change the dynamics we had from september to december.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

at this point in the year, with four short weeks to go, i have been reflecting on this past year, specifically in regards to my teaching and interacting with my students.
this reflection was initiated by a comment made in passing by my husband.
a few days ago, during one of our long-distance phone conversations where i was 'discussing' (also known as: complaining) about my day, he mentioned that my attitude towards teaching had changed since she came into b-07. he recalled early in the year when i was excited about the possibilities of these little scholars and all of the growth we would make during this first grade year.
after we hung up, i sat for awhile and considered what he said. i agreed with everything he said but i was, and still am, caught up in how to make it better. admitting defeat and throwing up my hands is not what i'm about - i am a planner, a finisher, a nagger - and i keep going until something is done.
with this student, i feel like i am still trying to break ground and get the ball rolling. academically, she is unmotivated, cannot complete work independently, and needs constant reminders to stay on task. socially, she is used to being babied, bullies other students and does not respect my authority.
this child has been tested for learning difficulties and, based on the numerous tests and reports from our school psychologist and resource teacher, did not qualify for any additional services. this child is capable of reading - but won't participate. this child does not listen during lessons and then misses problems on tests. this child is so capable...but doesn't use all of the skills and resources she has available to her.
it literally makes me want to bang my head on a wall or kidney-shaped table.

here comes the point in this rambling where i appeal to you, blog friends. this post would be super depressing if i just left it with all these negative feelings and defeatist attitudes. my question for you is this:
how can you motivate a seemingly unmotivated child to want to learn?

it's a big question, i know. and it is one i have been wrestling with for the last few months. i don't know of all your experiences, but maybe some of you know about children like this. maybe you have worked with a child like this, or a sibling of yours was a child like this or maybe even you were a child like this? :)

this young girl is being 'passed on' to second grade for some incredibly stupid reasons that are completely out of my control. and, as long as she is a super cheetah in my class, i feel like i need to do whatever i can. but my bag of tricks is just about empty.

thanks to you who read this long-winded ramble. and extra thanks to those who can offer a word of advice or something.

happy monday/week to you all. i am off to bed to prepare for another busy, but hopefully less challenging, day with my little scholars. :)

quiet

it's been quiet here at 'golly gee'.
i wish i had a good reason.
maybe it's because my school blocks blogger (boo!).
maybe it's because matt's been gone a lot and i throw myself a pity party.
maybe it's because we've had a lot of potential options on our plate.
maybe it's because i'm currently copping out and using twitter.
maybe it's because...who knows?

what i do know is that i miss this community.
this sharing about my life with friends (and even some strangers).
this opportunity to connect when i'm on my own.
this place to vent...when the need arises. ;)

in my 'usual style', here is a list of things going on in my/our world:
*we were going to move to boise, then it fell through and now we are in the process of buying a house in ca(crazy!!!)
*speaking of houses (none of which we own) - home depot of now our new bff...i'm scared to think of how much time we will spend there once we are actually homeowners
*matt's gone...again - basically, it kind of sucks but i'm trying to keep a positive perspective by focusing on the free hotel points and lots of air miles - now we just need to be in the same country long enough to goon vacation :)
*23 days left of school - i'm both excited for summer and sad to see this group of kiddos off to second grade
*attempting to validate and put my subscription to shape magazine to good use...still a work in progress but this exercise thing is getting a little easier

with matt gone, i should utilize this opportunity to hoard our one surviving computer and keep this blog relevant and updated. i should use this quiet and 'solo' time to reflect and think and write down whatever pops into my mind.

perhaps this is wishful thinking...but i'm motivated to try. :)

happy monday to you all.

bee-oh-seven

when matt's away, i tend to be even more of a workaholic than i normally am.
the way i see it - i could stay in my classroom and get more things done, or go home, veg and be alone. sure...some days require a good amount of vegging. but, in my opinion, my work is never done - there is always something to be done in good old b-07.
spending so much time there 'after hours' gives me time to reflect on my days and chuckle at how cute/crazy/frustrating my kiddos can be. since it is my home away from home, i figured i'd share some pictures of my super cheetahs.

here is a picture of our little learning environment. i am a geek and i love being able to decorate my room with the brightest colors i can find. shopping for new borders, colored paper and fun posters makes me happy. it's official - i am meant to be a teacher. :) being surrounded by so much color keeps me awake and cheery...even on those gloomy and cloudy days. how can you not smile looking at all of those beautiful colors? :)

also...we met sharkie (see below)! i signed my class up for a reading program that asks teachers to send in the number of books their class read in a given month. in january, my cheetahs were one of the top ten classes in our area. their reward was a visit from sharkie, the mascot for the san jose sharks. here's a summary of his visit: two girls were crying and hiding behind me because they were afraid of him and sharkie got all of the kids riled up (not good for a monday morning!!!). oh yeah - and he stood on a chair, jumped over the desks and pounded on the door for a good 2 minutes. these are major no-no's in b-07, so sharkie's visit did give me an opportunity to review the rules (and how our visitor broke them). anyways, in all of the tears and craziness, we were only able to get one picture of us with our special guest. so, while it was fun to recognize the students for their awesome reading, i don't know if sharkie will be back for a return visit. (yes...he is eating my head.)

last, but certainly not least, i wanted to share something that was given to me on valentine's day - something that made me smile and attempt to muffle a laugh. a very sweet and thoughtful student made me a book all about love, which she read to me after school. i could not see each page, so i was listening as she told me all about the wonders of love. this page (below) caught me off guard.

for those of you who can't make it out, that says: 'this is makeing love'. as i placed my valentine's day gifts in a bag, i heard these words coming from the mouth of a six year old and i just had to laugh. yes, i know, i am a bad person with a dirty mind - but at the time, it was hilarious. i think i was able to let her finish and say thank you as she left for the day - and then i immediately had to document these words of love and the making of love.

happy weekend to you all. :)

excuses, excuses

greetings friends and fellow bloggers.
are you ready for the laundry list of excuses as to why i have not even looked at my blog in the last 2+ months?
well...i don't even know where to begin. so instead of talk about how busy we've been (at times), how tiring work has been (at times) and how i've felt a bit challenged (at times) - i'll just say that i'm fine and dandy.
sure, there are some things that i'd like to fix/change about my day-to-day life. but i just can't bring myself to complain and i think that's why i've strayed away from old 'golly gee'.
i'm not sure if this mentality plagues any of you, but sometimes i find it's just easier to use this online forum as a place to air grievances or to 'let it out' when i've had a hard day. after thinking about this tendency to complain, i've decided that it is not who i am and what i want to 'put out there'.
in all honesty, my life is pretty gosh darn amazing.
i have a sweet husband, a great family, a rewarding (and often hilarious) job, many wonderful friends and a happy and comfortable life. i want my posts to reflect who i am most of the time...not just me on my worst days.

in the interest of reveling in the happiness and joy in my life, here are some things that are putting a smile on my face:
*memories of a recent trip to the coast with my wonderful husband (courtesy of his very generous company). whale-watching (kind of...is it still whale-watching if you only see a hint of a whale?), yummy dinners, fireside snuggles, leisurely bike rides, ocean views...sigh. matt being gone all the time is not ideal...but a free weekend get-away is a nice consolation.
*time (face-to-face and phone) with my family - so lucky to have them close enough to visit. :)
*my 1st grade kiddos are reading like crazy! so crazy, in fact, that they were one of the top ten classes in a reading contest in our area. on monday morning, room b-07 will be visited by sharkie, who will praise them for all of their stellar reading. it will be a fun/crazy 15 minutes - and i'll try to get some pictures of the super cheetahs attacking the poor man in the shark costume.
*new tv on dvd via our good friends (both real friends and our friend named netflix) - some of our new faves include flight of the conchords (hilarious!), how i met your mother (who knew cbs had funny tv for young people?) and the wire (very serious....but so good).
*snail mail - including some sweet cards from family/friends and a wedding announcement of a dear old friend. congrats katie! (if you still read this).
*being on a little vacation. i'd like to give a shout out to my old friends George and Abraham for being born and having your birthdays recognized. also, thanks to the nice people at the district office who decided we get a whole week off. i appreciate it greatly.
*finalizing/making plans for our upcoming vacations -- vancouver in march and the u.k. in june! yippee!
*the stew currently cooking up in our crock pot. yum, yum, yum. my husband quoted a great man who spoke fondly of stew: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going." -- anyone care to hazard a guess who said these wise words?

matt just got home, so now our evening can begin. what are you doing you might (but probably won't) ask? well...we're about to upload turbo tax and have a super awesome night of stew, brew and taxes.
yeah...my life is pretty great. :)
happy thursday/weekend to you all.

goodness

this week has been full of goodness. :)
and, when goodness abounds, you just have to share it and spread it around.

here are some goodies...
*enjoying season four of gilmore girls - including swoons, laughs and repeat viewings of my favorite moments/scenes :)
*talking to matt on the phone - it's worth the $3/minute (yay for expense reports) :)
*spending the past weekend with my sister - and reaffirming that she is so neat and i am so blessed to not just be her friend but her family, too
*singing at the top of my lungs and jumping up and down like a teenager at the jimmy eat world show last weekend
*baking my mom's festive and delicious chocolate mint cookies
*thinking fondly of my family and getting excited to see them soon for christmas
*watching one of my favorite kiddos from last year break-dance in the holiday show (random, i know)
*congratulating the break-dancing wonder and his cute and modest reaction
*wearing cute work outfits - shallow, i know - but looking okay makes me feel okay :)
*spending some rare social time with co-workers (at yummy macaroni grill)
*getting to know a co-worker better - maybe he and his wife will be our friends? :)
*listening to holiday tunes on pandora.com
*practicing the 'reindeer pokey' for the holiday show
*laughing along with my kiddos when they put their 'tail' in and out - too funny!
*making blankies for our family members - 1/2 down, 5 1/2 to go (i will finish!)
*administering a state test to my kiddos and finding that they're learning (!!!!!)

i hope this week ends on a high note for you all. :)
happy friday, friends.

mega-post

life is...full.
full of mostly wonderful things. :)
and a few bummer things. :(
everything going on in this full life of ours could (and should) be it's own post. but lack of time/motivation/words means they will instead be lumped together, into what i will call a mega-post. here goes nothing...

wonderful thing #1: things within the four walls of my classroom are great. the students are just swell. they are bright, sweet, eager, inquisitive, hilarious. sure...i have moments/days when i wonder why i subject myself to six-year-olds. but then...there are the days (more often than not) when it's all worthwhile. i'm definitely enjoying this second time around and look forward to the months to come with my super cheetahs. :)

wonderful thing #2: my sister kaitlin is coming tomorrow to spend a few days with lonely lil' me (more on that in bummer #1). she going to come by my school and hang out with the kiddos and i. and then, she is accompanying me to a concert in the 'big city' where i can see a few of my favorite bands. my mom and pop are super-duper generous and asked if we wanted to stay in the city for the night and sprung for a hotel. i'm super excited to spend more time with her and enjoy some city wandering, shopping and whatever else we feel like.

wonderful thing #3: we are 99.9% done with our holiday shopping. it's kind of nice to have (almost) everything purchased and ready to be packaged/put together. i am making cozy fleece blankets for family members, so i have yards and yards of fabric to cut, snip and tie. easy to do..i just need to do it. :) here are some samples of the fleece-y goodness i'll be working with.



wonderful thing #4: i have been extremely lucky lately - in the give-away sense. at a new teacher event, i won a drawing for a basket of holiday, classroom and edible goodies. it was just a little something...but exciting. motivated by my brief lucky streak, i left a comment on this blog to win an apron she was generously giving away. and...lo and behold...i was the lucky winner and am now the very proud owner of this darling apron:



i even used it tonight to make some delicious cranberry-orange pinwheel sugar cookies. yum, yum, yum. i love cookies...especially when they are mixed and baked while wearing cute clothing protection.




wonderful thing #5: it's starting to kind of feel like something resembling winter -- and i am loving every second of it. i know it bums out some people...but cool, overcast days with a chill in the air energize me.


bummer thing #1: matt is working in south korea again. he's gone until december 21st - but will be back in time for christmas. then, he's off to korea again to finish their project on the 27th of december. it's not fun having him gone...but, on the bright side, his company offered some 'cash an prizes' for those who have to go. basically, the company will pay for us to go on a trip wherever we want, whenever we want. i think it will be an okay trade-off, especially since we're looking in to heading to europe. :)

bummer #2: while my classroom is a positive environment, the climate at my school is growing increasingly negative. in short, teachers in my district don't have a contract for this year and are trying to increase the salary scale and improve the benefits packages. negotiation meetings have been unsuccessful and unproductive - due to 'error' on both sides. with all of this going on, there have been rumblings of striking amongst teaching staff district-wide.
during conversations on this topic, i shared that i would not strike. i am not alone in my desire to continue working. since i (and a few others) have indicated our intentions, things between strike-supporters and non-strike-supporters have been awkward and just plain petty. another teacher in my grade-level has criticized me in front of our grade-level team and, in the last few days, has practically stopped speaking to me directly because of how strongly she feels about supporting the decisions of the union. while i respect and understand her point of view, i do not respect or understand how my personal opinion gives her the right to treat me the way she is. being the people-pleasing, emotion-prone person i am, this has been hard for me to handle but i'm trying to stay positive and not let it get to me (i'll let you know when that finally happens). :)
i realize that i should probably care more about the decisions and negotiations of the union and the district. however, at this point in my career, i am just happy to have a consistent and well-paying job (for teaching, at least), supportive colleagues (most of the time) and a pretty neat group of students to mold and motivate. :) my hope is that this matter is settled soon - either with a set contract or a definite strike - so things can go back to how they were.
***long and rambling soapbox moment for those who care: i got in to teaching because i want to support children, plain and simple. the students in my district come from families with incomplete educations, limited options and the challenge of adjusting to life in the united states. i feel honored to be in a position where i can help these students to recognize alternative options and motivate them (even at age 6) to dream big and work hard for whatever they want in life. my students are my primary concern and i will do what i need to do in order to support them and help them learn. if that means working with students after school (without the promise of $$$ compensation), so be it. if that means staying late to prepare materials and plan a little bit extra, so be it. if i were to strike, i feel that i would be depriving my students of opportunities to learn. sure, they could hear the information from a substitute, but i feel that my presence in the classroom is beneficial to them and that the ways that i structure and plan things can help them achieve success. my focus is my students. and sometimes, i recognize that i sometimes put their needs above my own (which i need to work on) - but i feel like what i do matters and i want to do it the best i can and put in my best effort. okay...end of soapboxing rant.***

okay...that tuckered me out.
i am off to bed to rest up for another busy day with my kiddos.
i'm hoping for the kind of day that can build on the wonderful things.
with all the fun coming up...i think my chances are pretty good.
:)