golly gee...

Some things of note...

2011-04-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

On this lazy Saturday, some things of note...

1. The public library is awesome. After hearing good things on blogs and Twitter feeds, I picked up A Homemade Life and The Hunger Games. (Side note: I just recently discovered that I can request a book from any San Jose library and they send it to the library right down the street. Before this realization, I was driving around town to different libraries to get the books I wanted. Less gas, more books.)

2. Watching Anne of Green Gables takes me back to the marathon Disney channel viewings of my youth. (Side note: I have never read Anne. Like my friend Amy, I probably need to "revoke my girl card." Perhaps my new friend the library can help?)

3. There was a smell. You know, the one that smells kind of like burning plastic. It's not just the smell of the oven self-cleaning. It is actually burning plastic. (Side note: It was a spork. On a cookie sheet. Over the oven vent. There aren't enough windows to evacuate the smell...)

4. The Giants won! They may have lost their first two games of the season (so close)...but they trounced the Dodgers today. (Side note: Buster Posey. That is all.)

5. Matt comes home from Korea on Wednesday. This is his final trip. For realsies...final. After three and half years and 25+ trips, I get to have my husband back all the time. (Side note: Yay!)

Happy weekend, friends. :)

this is the time of year

2011-03-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

This is the time of year that brings me stress.

It's almost April, spring break is in a few weeks and, before you know it, June has arrived and I'm a blubbering mess as I hug my kiddos good-bye.

So, rewind to that little 'before you know it' part. That's the source of the stress.

Because, despite after-school interventions, homework modifications, small-group instruction, behavior plans, conferences, parent support (or lack thereof) and a million other little things - some of my students will not be ready for second grade.

And that breaks my heart.

This is the time of year when well-intentioned individuals-in-charge decide to stop by, asking questions and commenting on my little ones.

"What's going on with that student?" (I wish I knew!)

"He misbehaves in the cafeteria everyday." (He does the same thing in class all.day.long.)

"She doesn't know her sight words yet." (She knows 6 more than last week. Progress, right?)

"What are you doing to curb the tattling?" (They're six...there is no curbing.)

"Something needs to be done about their recess behavior." (Suggestions are welcome.)

On and on, saying things I already know and already worry about.

This is the time of year where I meet with parents for the third, fourth or eighth time to 'check in' and see how they're doing with the at-home activities I suggested at our previous meetings. And for the third, fourth or eighth time, that meeting usually ends with a shrug and an excuse from the parent and me filling out more paperwork and offering to help their child after school.

This is the time of year when I need to remind myself that I am doing my best and trying to support these students. I need to remind myself that some kiddos catch on in April or May or over the summer. I need to remind myself that even though I love my job and couldn't imagine doing anything else, I still need to make time for the people and things that I love outside the walls of my classroom.

Anything can happen in two months, right? :)

dos and don'ts

2011-03-26T16:54:00.000-07:00

I don't fancy myself to be a 'writer'.

I don't know how to use 'our' fancy DSLR camera.

I don't craft or have an Etsy shop.

I don't have cute kiddos to photograph (yet).

I don't have a house full of flea market finds and Anthropologie doorknobs.

Sometimes, it seems that, in order to have a 'good' or 'worthwhile' blog, some combination of the above must be present.

It's been over a year since I posted on this site and it's been a doozy - full of devastating lows, hilarious highs and so much joy in between.

I remember thinking how nice it would be to be able to document and keep track of it all: the trips we took, the things my students said, the final weeks with my dad, the house projects we planned, the kitten shenanigans and everything else that makes up this life of mine.

And (duh!), I remembered that I can.

On this here blog.

Despite feeling like I'm not 'blogger-y' enough to actually have a blog, I want to use this little part of the interwebs as a scrapbook/photo album/journal of this life.

Because I do have a pretty awesome little life.

With a wonderful husband.

And an amazing and resilient family.

And a furry little kitten with 101 nicknames.

I do live in a lovely, little, work-in-progress house (primarily furnished by Target).

I do work with kiddos that encourage, amuse and frustrate - all in the span of a minute.

I do dabble in the kitchen (but also would likely die of starvation if not for Trader Joe's frozen foods aisle).

So, I'm hoping to get back in the habit of making note of the big things and little things.

Here goes...

good-bye summer...almost. :)

2009-08-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

one week from today, i will be done with my first day of my fourth year as a first grade teacher.
and even though i know i will be tired and wishing for lazy summer days in a few short weeks, i am so ready to get back in my room, working with kiddos and having a purpose for every day.
you see, summer is both a blessing and a curse.
at the end of the year, summer vacation (and a break from my beloved kiddos) cannot come soon enough and i anticipate all the sleeping in and free time i can enjoy. but after a few weeks, the sleeping in makes me feel lethargic and the free time seems to drag (trips to target + netflix dvds lose their appeal...who knew?). add to this a dearly missed husband who, unfortunately, had to travel for work during six of the eight weeks i had for summer break. i don't mean to complain, but after being part of a 'we' for the last five years, solo vacations just aren't as appealing.
as i have gone back to campus, the inevitable 'what did you do this summer?' question surfaces. and, with the exception of my wonderful trip to belize at the end of june and a short trip to monterey, my summer was pretty quiet. nothing big, nothing grand...just living life in everyday, regular ways.
the end of summer signals a change from my everyday, regular summer routines. it brings new challenges: a fresh school year, a classroom to decorate, lessons to prepare, twenty-plus students to meet/train/mold/teach.
i know myself and i know that in three weeks time, i will be griping to my family and friends about the crazy attitudes and wild misbehavior of my future first-grade kiddos.
but today, one week away from a new school year, i am eager and itching to get down to what i love - working with kiddos. :)

p.s can you all do me a favor when the griping commences? remind me of this wistful post about the joy of being back to work. i might need a reminder soon :)

lazy blogger. :/ plus belize. :)

2009-07-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

i have been remiss in posting and updating this blog.
my initial purpose for this blog was to document things as they happened, so i could go back, look on it later and remember.
as you can, that has not been done very well.
so, as a way of reintroducing myself to the blogging process, i am going to be lazy and post the contents of an e-mail i sent about a missions trip i went on to belize.
my hope is that this baby step (finally posting!!!) will motivate me to fill in the gaps from february to now. :)
for now, enjoy reading about belize...and there will be more to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope this e-mail finds you all well and enjoying your summer. It's hard to believe I've been home from Belize for almost a week and even harder to believe that just two weeks ago we were finally on our way to Crooked Tree! I just wanted to take an opportunity to share with you all about our whirlwind week where we were kept busy with opportunities to serve and show God's love to the community of Crooked Tree.
First of all, I wanted to thank you for all of your prayers – they were absolutely heard and felt. Our flights and all traveling went smoothly, our health was good (except for a case of mild dehydration and one puffy mosquito-bitten eyelid), our students stepped up and became leaders and our team worked hard all week long (despite tired and overheated bodies). It was a truly pleasure to serve and have some fun with this group of people.
Before I dive in, you all need to know that Belize is an absolutely beautiful country. We were lucky to be able to experience some of the different parts of Belize – the busy-ness of Belize City, the slower pace of Crooked Tree, the quiet calm of the jungle surrounding the Mayan ruins and the relaxed pace of island life. This country is full of such natural beauty – fruit trees everywhere, green plants, blue skies, clear waters – and I feel so blessed that I was able to see a little bit of it all.
Amidst the natural beauty and the crazy heat, we were given so many wonderful opportunities to serve and love the people of Crooked Tree. Since I don't want to write huge run-on sentences about our experience, here is a bulleted version of how we lived down in Crooked Tree. During our week-long stay, our team:
met and developed friendships with the Praying Pelican staff (Amy, Joy, Jesse and Mike) and Churchill (the elder at the Church of the Nazarene)

*slept on air mattresses (and in some cases, the floor!) in buildings on the church grounds
*ate the most fresh and delicious food prepared for us by the wonderful Carrie (chicken, rice, beef, potatoes, beans, fresh fruit, fresh fruit juice – all of it amazing)
*took cold 5-minute showers and enjoyed every single minute of it
*applied layer upon layer of sunblock and bug repellent (with DEET, of course)
*experienced nature, including cows/horses roaming the dirt roads, bats in our bedrooms, fire ants at the dinner table and frogs hiding in strange places
*drank bottle after bottle of purified water, which was necessary because...
*Belize is extremely hot and humid for us Californians and we were, to put it gently, glowing all week

Finally, and most importantly, our team was so blessed by all of the wonderful opportunities to serve and love the people of Crooked Tree in the name of Jesus. We went down there to serve them, but we all came back with stories of how the people, especially the adorable children, touched our lives as well. While we were down there, our team:
*played with children at an orphanage in Belize City (A funny story from our visit to the orphanage - for all the High School Musical fans out there, Cory (a boy on our team) reminded the little girls of Troy from the movies and they followed him around asking him about Gabrielle and asking him to sing for them. For the rest of the week, Cory was either called Troy or Zac. Funny that kids everywhere love that stuff. :))
*primed and painted the Crooked Tree Church of the Nazarene
*attended and helped lead church services with the congregation of the Nazarene Church
*cleaned up the homes and yards of elderly church members
*talked with village residents (and enjoyed the delicious goodies they shared with us – fresh mango and coconut, homemade lime juice, and lots of cashews, which are grown all over Crooked Tree)
*painted the house of an elder from a neighboring church
*led sports ministry for the children of Crooked Tree (we taught them ultimate frisbee and they taught us cricket)
*shared our personal testimonies in front of the church congregation (a BIG deal for our eighth graders, but they did an amazing job)
*helped a team from Tennessee with Vacation Bible School
*developed relationships with the adults and children of Crooked Tree (so much so that we're already considering next year's trip!)

After a busy week of hard work in the community, we were lucky enough to conclude the trip with an overnight stay on Caye (pronounced Key) Caulker, an island off the coast of Belize in the Caribbean Sea. During our brief trip, we snorkeled, saw the second largest barrier reef in the world and swam above sting rays. Some of my braver travel companions reached down and touched them. I did not, but giggled and shrieked nervously as they swam around me. Our island trip also included driving golf carts around the island, some requisite souvenir shopping, more delicious Belizean food and the luxury of air-conditioned accommodations.
Again, I want to thank you all for your support and prayers as we journeyed down to Belize. God provided for us and took care of us, so I know your faithful prayers were heard. It was an amazing trip and I will never forget the people we met, the things we did and the way of life down in Belize. I'd love to go back again, maybe next year. :)

Love, Jill

P.S. Since I was a big worrywart and didn't want to lose/break/damage my little digital camera, I brought down some disposable cameras. I was promptly made fun of by my team members (who did not worry like I did and brought their nice digital cameras) and they have promised to get pictures to me ASAP. Once I have them on a CD, I'll post them online somewhere so you can all see what we saw. :)

25 random things about me :)

2009-02-20T15:29:00.000-08:00

i think i was officially the last person on facebook to do this survey. after reading and enjoying other people's lists, here is mine for the few people who read this but are not on facebook. :)
happy friday, friends. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. my pinkies are curved, like boomerangs. they amuse my husband.
2. my dad and i share the same birthday. (and even though i'm probably too old, we're going to disneyland for free to celebrate!)
3. i am in my third year of teaching first grade - and i think teaching little kiddos might stick. :)
4. almost every day for the last 2 and a half years, i have eaten a bagel, berry-ish yogurt, an apple and a diet coke for lunch. somehow, i'm not sick of it yet.
5. i love, love, love to do crossword puzzles...but can't always finish them, so i ask my smarty-pants husband for help. :)
6. i love to take recipes and tweak them to make them unique or work with what i have on hand...this only works about 75% of the time.
7. i love to wash the dishes - but hate to empty the dishwasher. luckily, my husband doesn't mind as much. :)
8. similarly, i love to do laundry and smell the dryer smell (my favorite!) - but i hate having to put the clothes away.
9. i'm bummed when matt has to go to korea for work - but i love being able to load up our netflix queue with all the girly stuff i want.
10. studying abroad in london was one of the best experiences i have ever had - great friendships, fun travels, amazing city.
11. i married my husband on our two year anniversary (which also happened to be mother's day).
12. i've always worn flats/low shoes because i was taller than most of my friends. having a 6'4" husband is helping me grow out of that.
13. serving with the people in children's ministry at fbcslo are some of my most fun memories of college.
14. i derive great joy and fulfillment from organizing and finding a place for everything in our house.
15. i have a ridiculous number of greeting cards (sorted and organized by content) that i have purchased throughout the years because i thought it was cute/funny and would be perfect to send to someone someday.
16. i love gummy bears. (i blame london and the constant presence of haribo)
17. i am a very heavy sleeper and have been known to sleep through both (yes...both!) of my alarms.
18. i love to read and have a growing stack of books to read, but i don't make enough time for it.
19. i get motivated to exercise...but then think about where should i run?, do i have time to shower?, is my ipod charged?...and i lose all momentum. :/
20. i wish i could speak spanish more fluently.
21. i have a black thumb and have 'successfully' killed the rose bushes, lilies and camellias that were alive when we moved into this house.
22. i'm eager to start a family...but am thankful to have a wonderful husband who keeps me in check and reminds me that babies cost money.
23. i am tickled by 'spring scape', the theme on my google homepage. mr. frog and lady bug are too cute - and yes, i named them. :)
24. my favorite color is orange. a student once told me that was not okay because i am a girl. um...is orange a boy color?
25. my life is infinitely blessed and full of hope. my God is good. :)

reasons why...

2009-02-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

...i am smiling today. :)

first, and the major reason for my ear-to-ear grin, matt comes home tomorrow morning - after 20 days in korea. so excited to have him home and have a whole weekend of relaxing and enjoying being together again.

while having matt gone has been no picnic, having no work/school this week made it a little better. thanks to some of our former presidents, my district gives this whole week off.

because of the week off, i have had lots of free time. with this free time i have been able to:
*sleep in until i wasn't tired - nothing crazy, but being in bed at 8:30 feels like a luxury. :)
*read books (for fun!)
*watch lots of gilmore girls on dvd
*spend the weekend with my mom and dad - great concert, yummy meals, good wine, awesome displays of wii tennis
*hang out with some great friends - aimee, amy, nard-dog, sarah and andrea. :)
*make myself yummy (and fairly nutritious) meals
*listen to new music given to me by my hip dad - fleet foxes and the national are currently in constant rotation
*catch up on old podcasts that have been in my ipod for 6+ months (oops...), some of which made me laugh and cry in the same hour

needless to say, i am relaxed, happy and feeling pretty good. all i need now is my matthew, and it'll be perfection. :) well...almost perfection...i still need to clear matt's side of the bed after using it as my books/clothes/magazines/blanket holder. ;)

hope this weekend brings you plenty of things to smile about, friends. :)

one hundred days.

2009-02-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

tomorrow marks the one-hundredth day of school for my little arbuckle scholars.
one hundred days of school...wow!
they are giddy about all things 100 (it is shouted with glee when we count to 100 daily).
and, to be honest, i am a little excited, too.
reaching 'milestones', even little ones like this, make me reflective and provide a perfect opportunity for me to observe and consider all that has happened.
honestly, these little kiddos never cease to amaze me.
one hundred {school} days ago...
...they were timid and shy.
...they knew the ABC's and some of the sounds.
...they could count to 30...maybe...on a good day.
...they knew thirty words by sight.
...they were completely dependent on me...for everything.
...they tattled like crazy.

tomorrow, one hundred {school} days later...
...they are vocal and familiar (mostly in a good way). ;)
...they know the ABC's, all of the sounds and some other things i throw in there to mess with them (you know, long vowels, diphthongs, digraphs, r-controlled vowels...the list goes on and on).
...they can count to 100...maybe...on a good day. :)
...they know at least 100 words by sight.
...they are becoming more and more independent (hooray for a precious few minutes of free time!)
...they still tattle like crazy (baby steps, right...).

at the beginning of every year, i am repeatedly shocked at what these students enter my classroom with...but i am even more shocked at how much they leave with on that last day of school. the hundredth day is past the halfway mark of the school year and it's hard to believe that in 80 {school} days, these kiddos will be moving down the hall to second grade.
sure, they make me crazy and question what the heck i'm doing some days. but all in all, they are amazing little people and i'm excited to celebrate 100 days of first grade fun with them tomorrow. :)

happy 100th day/wednesday, friends. :)

in 2009...

2009-01-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

this holiday break has gone by in a blur. christmas time with both families, wii time everywhere, fun time with friends, busy time working on the house and a little bit of relaxing time thrown in there somewhere. it was vacation, after all. :)
it's hard to believe i have to actually go back to work on monday.
and teach the kiddos something (long o, i think).
and wake up before 9:00.
and not wear my jammies 'til lunch time.
i know i shouldn't complain because i am fortunate to get two weeks off - but wow did it go fast!
and it's crazy to think that another year has come and gone so quickly. i'm reminding myself it is 2009 because i know i will need to be reminding my learning lions that it is a new year...which will probably make their full, little brains want to explode.
every year, i make a mental list of all the things i should do/want to do/need to do and decide that those things should all be my resolutions. as you can imagine, having too many goals becomes a little overwhelming and they're all soon forgotten by mid-january.
so, this year, i've been trying to think of how to sum up what i want to accomplish in 2009. sure, there are still a million little things to accomplish (house projects, healthier diet, relationships, work, students, exercise, spiritual growth). but instead of focusing on each one and getting down on myself for not getting it 100% right, my goal is to appreciate and acknowledge the positive at any given time - to find the joy in every-day life.
rather than complain about a half-painted room or a partly finished bathroom, i will try to be happy that i have a house to live and play around with - and remember that we will finish it when we finish it.
rather than get frustrated at work, i will try to focus on the enthusiasm and perseverance of my kiddos - and remember that my job is to support, nurture and guide these students at their pace, not mine. :)
rather than get annoyed by someone i care about (matt, friends, family, coworkers), i will try to focus on all the reasons why i care about this person - and remember that whatever is bothering me now will probably not matter tomorrow.
rather than fret or worry, i will try to first seek God and know that He is in control. i will try to offer up my worries to Him - instead of complaining to the first available ear.
i think, i hope, this goal is managable for me. as the year progresses, i'm sure i'll ramble on about how i'm doing with acknowledgig the positive, instead of the negative.
i have a feeling 2009 will be a wonderful year...and gone before i know it.
happy new year/friday/weekend, all. :)

i'm alive... :)

2008-12-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

despite the lack of activity on this blog, i am alive and well. :)
each day/week/month since my last post has been similar, which can present a struggle to write about the happenings of day-to-day life. there hasn't been much excitement...but it's been a good thing. in addition, i have been lucky enough to have my husband home for the last 2 1/2 months - which means i spend a little less time on the computer. but he left this morning for another three weeks in korea...so this blog might be getting some more attention. :)

my students are doing well. they're in this awesome stage where, suddenly, all the words around them start to make sense and they try to read everything. folks, we are days away from some of them exploding as little readers - and it warms my heart. in a given day, they can make me laugh, drive me nuts and beg me to make the school day longer (or shorter...depending on their mood).
even though we just got back from thanksgiving break, we're all well aware that christmas break is not too far away. a paper chain has been made to help quiet their desire to discuss santa and christmas presents 24/7 and we're about to begin rehearsals for the musical awesomeness that is the 'reindeer pokey'. all that said - first graders are fun. :)

matt and i are making some baby steps with the house we bought. we've decided that the cracks in the plaster walls have gotten the best of us and will always be there - so now we're ready to make amends with our walls and just cover the imperfections with some much-needed color and decor. after five-ish months, it's coming together and starting to look like a place where people live. and, someday soon, we think we'll actually be ready to have people over. after we buy some furniture for people to sit on, of course...:)

besides work and house, things have been good. our thanksgiving was spent with matt's extended family in texas. we were able to see everyone in his family over the course of our stay and enjoyed the opportunity to see people, wear short sleeves in november and experience some true texas 'cuisine' (specifically, bbq and mexican). it was nice to get out of town for a couple days...but i feel like i need a second little vacation to recover from my first little vacation. however, work beckons and i will have to settle for going to bed early. :)

for the three to five people who read this blog on occasion, i will try to keep it more updated and current. i know there have been times in the last few months when blog inspiration has struck...but then i never find the time to write it out. i will do my darnedest to further entertain/update you and, at the same time, chronicle the day-to-day stuff for myself.

happy week friends. :)

goals

2008-09-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

every august, i have lofty goals for the coming school year.
i tell myself, my husband, my teacher friends and just about anyone else who will listen that i intend to leave at a 'reasonable hour' every day.
and, somewhere deep down, i actually believe i can do it.
then, reality sets in.
and my goal becomes wishful thinking.
the initial goal to leave my classroom at 5 is a distant memory as i try to really leave by 6 or 7.
and when matt is away in korea, it gets even worse and i let myself stay later - justifying that there's always stuff to do in b-07 and it's better than being home alone.

with all that said...if i don't start leaving earlier i just may go a little crazy. i'm realizing that staying at school til 7 or 8 is too much for me (duh!). eating dinner late is no help in my quest to maintain a healthy diet. getting home late = going to bed late = tired/cranky mrs. roberts in the morning. i've started to notice that when i don't give myself time to relax and just be - i'm not 'ready' to be there for my kiddos.
all the planning/copying/grading/organizing in the world means nothing if i'm not alert and mentally ready to be there for my learning lions all day.

i'm sure this is basic stuff to most people.
but it's harder for me to come by and i want it to be true in my life.
as much as i love my job, my students and my classroom - there needs to be more to me and who i am.
being at school for 10-12 hours a day will leave no room for other things - and the thought of that makes me sad.
so...i'm going to try to make the effort.
to make some time for me.
to try new things with all my new-found free time. :)
to spend time with the people i want to love most.
to do things around my house.
to enjoy my job...but also my life.

this fall, i'm setting a new goal.
the new goal will not be a specific time - because i know that there will be 'those days' that i need to stay late.
the new goal for this coming season (and the school year to come) is to seek and find balance in life.
wish me luck, friends. :)

house.school.life.

2008-09-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

after being told by some loved ones that my last post was a major downer (sorry 'lamaro'), i figured i'd lighten the mood at 'golly gee' with a brief update on the last month. :)
~~~
we've been in the house for almost two months and it's starting to look like a place where actual people live. :) i think i'll be able to say this for awhile...but we're still working on the house. it'll probably be a never-ending cycle of renovation, repair and beautification.
despite the work to be done, we're enjoying our humble little abode and are loving the freedom to dream big...and wait until we have the money to follow through. i'll try to upload some of the pictures off my camera and post them soon.
~~~
school started at the end of august.
honestly, the first two weeks were really rough and i was having some serious concerns about the year to come. i've been told that i should never compare one class to another - so i'm working on that this year. last year, i had a great experience with my 'super cheetahs'...and i'm hopeful that this year with the 'learning lions' will be a positive experience, too.
one struggle is the fact that 75% of my students are at a level 1 and 2 in their english ability, which means they are still developing their vocabulary and skills of the english language. this can mean that i ask a question and am faced with a deafening silence and many blank stares. at first i was a little frustrated (not the best reaction)...and now i'm aware of their struggles and am trying to work with them at their level. it's growing me as a teacher and helping me to be more patient and creative with this group. they are a sweet and helpful bunch of kiddos and i'm eager to see where this year takes us. :)
~~~
besides the house and the job, life has been swell. we've been lucky enough to have plenty of quality time with great friends and our families - it's nice to be close enough to see the people we love often. we're also going to start helping with the junior high youth group at our church.
they made an announcement a few weeks ago...it sounded like a good idea...we inquired...we signed up...i hope that it is a good fit. :)
i think it'll be fun to interact with older kids, have some fun and help them to learn more about Christ at the same time. i just hope they like me...funny how junior high insecurity never goes away, even though i'm a full-fledged 'grown-up'.
~~~
ideally, my posts will be more frequent. realistically, i will be lame and post once a month. i know some blogs i read have done a 'picture-a-day' format...maybe that can be in the cards for october? i do love all things related to fall. if anyone wants to do that, let me know - maybe we can do it together and maybe it'll keep me accountable. :)
i'm off to staple practice books for my students to read tomorrow (darn me and my procrastination) and then go to bed to ready myself for another day with these kiddos. :)
happy week friends.

alone.

2008-08-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile since i signed in to blogger.
so, this post could be about any one of the many things that have occupied my time in the last months - our trip abroad, our new house, what i've been up to all summer, the coming school year, etc.
sure, all of that stuff is swirling around in my mind somewhere..but my mind is currently caught up in thoughts of how blessed i am and how thankful i should be for it all.
a little backstory...
we bought a house in a cute and older neighborhood in east sj. (fyi: this house and all of the fun/drama associated with it will be another post...someday). in this cute and old neighborhood, there are many cute and old people. they've welcomed us with open arms and, to be honest, seem pretty excited to have some younger folks on the block.
one of the people we have met in our short month here is our next-door neighbor, phil. phil has lived in this house for many (30+?) years. two years ago, he lost his wife. most times that we see phil - whether it be watering the lawn, taking down the garbage bins or just locking up before we head out - he offers to help us out, if we need it, and mentions that he is usually at home, alone, especially since he lost his wife. it breaks my heart to hear the sadness in his voice every time.
tonight, as i ventured out to the front yard to turn on our sprinklers, i came across phil, tending to the grass seedlings he planted a few days ago. we started talking about grass (kind of one-sided, since i know nothing of grass...but i'm open to learning) and the work i've been doing in the house.
as i turned to go back inside, he asked me to wait - he wanted to show me a picture of his wife. since it was getting dark on our street, i offered to come to his porch but, being the kind old man he is, he invited me inside - you know, because of the bugs. the inside reminded me of my grandparents house...well, probably every grandparents house. collections and knick-knacks and photographs and memories...all neatly laid out on every possible surface. he took me around his living room, kitchen and sitting room - showing me pictures of his late wife, his children, his grandchildren and his great-grandchildren. as we walked and admired the pictures, he told me that his wife was always the one who kept the house in order - who updated the pictures in the frames, who did the decorating, who put things in their place - and he was trying to keep it just how she would have liked it. phil walked me to the door and, again, offered to help - if i needed it. i told him we'd come by again...and have him over, once things were a little more put together.
as i closed the door and walked across the grass to my own yard, i couldn't help but think about what he had said, how he wanted to keep it just as she has kept it. it was a thought that brought mixed emotions - happiness that he was surrounded by so many memories of his life with her, but also sadness that no number of objects/photographs/things-in-their-correct-place could replace the hole left by losing someone you love.
as i write this, my eyes are welling up a little bit (sorry...the tears come easy), just as they did when i walked across the grass to my house. visiting with phil did break my heart a little bit...but it also gives me cause to reflect on how blessed my life is and how i should be thankful for all i have. while i get upset about 'losing' my husband to three week business trips, there is always the promise of him coming home to me again. my struggle with 'losing' matt to samsung-korea is only temporary and visiting with my new friend, who has permanently lost the one he loves, has given me some much needed perspective on how fortunate i am to know that our separation is not for long.
this was probably a little too long-winded. oh well, i guess that's just me. but the point i hoped to make is this - it's good to be reminded of how blessed i really am. sad to say...i forget sometimes and end up in the land of 'poor me'. i'm a lucky girl who is so fortunate to have a loving (albeit sometimes overly-travelled ;)) husband, wonderful family, incredible friends and, now, supportive neighbors. :)
happy week, friends. :)

me mosaic. :)

2008-07-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~
saw this mosaic idea on many other blogger pages and felt i should jump in.
i'm hoping that maybe this will get me back into a {fairly} regular blogging habit. :)
~~~~~~
here's how you can do it, too.
type your answer to each of the questions below into a flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the url’s into the mosaic maker.
~~~~~~
the questions:
1. what is your first name? (jill)
2. what is your favorite food? (white nectarines...at least for summertime)
3. what high school did you attend? (rocklin)
4. what is your favorite color? (orange)
5. who is your celebrity crush? (john krasinski...as jim, that is)
6. favorite drink? (margaritas)
7. dream vacation? (greece)
8. favorite dessert? (funfetti cake)
9. what do you want to be when you grow up? (teacher)
10. what do you love most in life? (my lord and savior)
11. one word to describe you. (fun - according to my sweet husband)
12. your flickr name. (jimaro)
~~~~~
here are the links to the photos in my mosaic above:
1. happy birthday to jill's junk
2. white nectarines
3. rocklin 3244
4. crayola store display #1
5. john krasinski
6. margaritas
7. dreaming of santorini - appropriate, eh? :)
8. unmarketable products - odd name, but yum yum yum!
9. teacher
10. risen
11. fish lips and a pair of silly glasses
12. no picture on flickr called jimaro...so here is one of lil' old me from my flickr stream. :)

bizeeeee!

2008-06-17T21:22:00.001-07:00

hi all.

life is bizeeeee! (i've been hanging out with 1st graders too long - but seriously, phonetic spelling is way more fun!)
to sum up:
*school ended - i was glad to be done, but i will definitely miss these kiddos. they were a special and very bright bunch of scholars. they deserve a blog...just not today.
*i got roped into teaching summer school for a week. i got a bunch of kids from other teachers...and i was given absolutely no guidance about what they need help with besides 'reading, writing and math'. hmm...so...that pretty much means...EVERYTHING! anyways, i'm doing what i can and hoping it helps. my 'end of school' celebration is being delayed a bit - but it's coming. :)
*we bought a house in the bay area. crazy, huh? i kind of feel like i'm almost a grown up. the house is cute, old, has a beautiful tree and has an awesome orange vinyl bench in the kitchen. seriously...it is awesome. we 'close escrow' in one week. (still not quite sure what it means...but i know we get a key)
*matt has to travel again for work. the upside - he's going to belgium. the even higher-upside, i get to tag along! we're excited to explore belgium a bit...and then make some trips to some surrounding countries. plans are still up in the air, but it's a 90% company-funded trip to europe...so it's all good. :)
*i get to see some of my favorite people soon. a friend's wedding this weekend will reunite me with some of my favorite people (and some former roomies) from college. and hil returns (yippee!) - so i get to see some of my oldest and dearest for a date in berkeley.
good things abound. i'm doing my best to embrace all of this goodness...but it's a little difficult to not be overwhelmed. luckily, i am halfway through this week of summer school and will be with matt gallivanting around europe with my hubs in a week.
i can't complain. :)

happy mid-week to you all. :)

challenged.

2008-05-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

friends, i am currently in the midst of a challenge.
this challenge has been with me since january.
this challenge was unexpected and, to be honest, unwelcomed.
this challenge has made me question my ability to teach and forced me to examine my patience and love towards others.

this challenge is a six-year-old girl.

as i type and re-read that, i feel like i should just turn in my teaching credential because i don't like feeling this way towards a child. as a teacher, isn't it my job to educate, nurture, support, build up and motivate every young person that enters my door? my challenge lies in the fact that i want to throw up my hands and move on in each of those areas. i want to give up on educating, nurturing, supporting, building up and motivating this one young person.

and that makes me feel a little sick in my stomach.
but it's how i feel.
and i'm having trouble reconciling these two competing trains of thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i suppose i should back-up a little bit to fill you in. in december of this school year, my principal came to me and mentioned a situation with a colleague of mine and a student in her class (this is the student). the mother was unhappy with my colleague for a variety of reasons and requested a transfer. at the time, i had an opening in my class and i was informed that, come january, this student would be a part of my class.
i'd heard a lot about this student from my colleague and, sadly, was expecting the worst based on her horror stories. i decided, over the winter vacation, to put aside what i'd heard and i would try be the best darn teacher this girl ever had. i would support her and do all the things my colleague neglected to do.
january rolled around and this student joined my class. as with any new student(s), the first days and weeks are good...everyone is still feeling each other out and we're all on our best behavior (teachers, included). and in those idealized early days, i made the effort to be whatever this child needed. i supported, made modifications and 'cut her some slack' because she was new to life in b-07.
that was in january.
in the last five (!) months, i have not kept my promise to myself and this student. i have let myself fall into a pattern of indifference, frustration and negative feedback. i have allowed the behavior of one child affect the way i interact with the rest of my students and change the dynamics we had from september to december.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

at this point in the year, with four short weeks to go, i have been reflecting on this past year, specifically in regards to my teaching and interacting with my students.
this reflection was initiated by a comment made in passing by my husband.
a few days ago, during one of our long-distance phone conversations where i was 'discussing' (also known as: complaining) about my day, he mentioned that my attitude towards teaching had changed since she came into b-07. he recalled early in the year when i was excited about the possibilities of these little scholars and all of the growth we would make during this first grade year.
after we hung up, i sat for awhile and considered what he said. i agreed with everything he said but i was, and still am, caught up in how to make it better. admitting defeat and throwing up my hands is not what i'm about - i am a planner, a finisher, a nagger - and i keep going until something is done.
with this student, i feel like i am still trying to break ground and get the ball rolling. academically, she is unmotivated, cannot complete work independently, and needs constant reminders to stay on task. socially, she is used to being babied, bullies other students and does not respect my authority.
this child has been tested for learning difficulties and, based on the numerous tests and reports from our school psychologist and resource teacher, did not qualify for any additional services. this child is capable of reading - but won't participate. this child does not listen during lessons and then misses problems on tests. this child is so capable...but doesn't use all of the skills and resources she has available to her.
it literally makes me want to bang my head on a wall or kidney-shaped table.

here comes the point in this rambling where i appeal to you, blog friends. this post would be super depressing if i just left it with all these negative feelings and defeatist attitudes. my question for you is this:
how can you motivate a seemingly unmotivated child to want to learn?

it's a big question, i know. and it is one i have been wrestling with for the last few months. i don't know of all your experiences, but maybe some of you know about children like this. maybe you have worked with a child like this, or a sibling of yours was a child like this or maybe even you were a child like this? :)

this young girl is being 'passed on' to second grade for some incredibly stupid reasons that are completely out of my control. and, as long as she is a super cheetah in my class, i feel like i need to do whatever i can. but my bag of tricks is just about empty.

thanks to you who read this long-winded ramble. and extra thanks to those who can offer a word of advice or something.

happy monday/week to you all. i am off to bed to prepare for another busy, but hopefully less challenging, day with my little scholars. :)

quiet

2008-05-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

it's been quiet here at 'golly gee'.
i wish i had a good reason.
maybe it's because my school blocks blogger (boo!).
maybe it's because matt's been gone a lot and i throw myself a pity party.
maybe it's because we've had a lot of potential options on our plate.
maybe it's because i'm currently copping out and using twitter.
maybe it's because...who knows?

what i do know is that i miss this community.
this sharing about my life with friends (and even some strangers).
this opportunity to connect when i'm on my own.
this place to vent...when the need arises. ;)

in my 'usual style', here is a list of things going on in my/our world:
*we were going to move to boise, then it fell through and now we are in the process of buying a house in ca(crazy!!!)
*speaking of houses (none of which we own) - home depot of now our new bff...i'm scared to think of how much time we will spend there once we are actually homeowners
*matt's gone...again - basically, it kind of sucks but i'm trying to keep a positive perspective by focusing on the free hotel points and lots of air miles - now we just need to be in the same country long enough to goon vacation :)
*23 days left of school - i'm both excited for summer and sad to see this group of kiddos off to second grade
*attempting to validate and put my subscription to shape magazine to good use...still a work in progress but this exercise thing is getting a little easier

with matt gone, i should utilize this opportunity to hoard our one surviving computer and keep this blog relevant and updated. i should use this quiet and 'solo' time to reflect and think and write down whatever pops into my mind.

perhaps this is wishful thinking...but i'm motivated to try. :)

happy monday to you all.

bee-oh-seven

2008-03-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

when matt's away, i tend to be even more of a workaholic than i normally am.
the way i see it - i could stay in my classroom and get more things done, or go home, veg and be alone. sure...some days require a good amount of vegging. but, in my opinion, my work is never done - there is always something to be done in good old b-07.
spending so much time there 'after hours' gives me time to reflect on my days and chuckle at how cute/crazy/frustrating my kiddos can be. since it is my home away from home, i figured i'd share some pictures of my super cheetahs.

here is a picture of our little learning environment. i am a geek and i love being able to decorate my room with the brightest colors i can find. shopping for new borders, colored paper and fun posters makes me happy. it's official - i am meant to be a teacher. :) being surrounded by so much color keeps me awake and cheery...even on those gloomy and cloudy days. how can you not smile looking at all of those beautiful colors? :)

also...we met sharkie (see below)! i signed my class up for a reading program that asks teachers to send in the number of books their class read in a given month. in january, my cheetahs were one of the top ten classes in our area. their reward was a visit from sharkie, the mascot for the san jose sharks. here's a summary of his visit: two girls were crying and hiding behind me because they were afraid of him and sharkie got all of the kids riled up (not good for a monday morning!!!). oh yeah - and he stood on a chair, jumped over the desks and pounded on the door for a good 2 minutes. these are major no-no's in b-07, so sharkie's visit did give me an opportunity to review the rules (and how our visitor broke them). anyways, in all of the tears and craziness, we were only able to get one picture of us with our special guest. so, while it was fun to recognize the students for their awesome reading, i don't know if sharkie will be back for a return visit. (yes...he is eating my head.)

last, but certainly not least, i wanted to share something that was given to me on valentine's day - something that made me smile and attempt to muffle a laugh. a very sweet and thoughtful student made me a book all about love, which she read to me after school. i could not see each page, so i was listening as she told me all about the wonders of love. this page (below) caught me off guard.

for those of you who can't make it out, that says: 'this is makeing love'. as i placed my valentine's day gifts in a bag, i heard these words coming from the mouth of a six year old and i just had to laugh. yes, i know, i am a bad person with a dirty mind - but at the time, it was hilarious. i think i was able to let her finish and say thank you as she left for the day - and then i immediately had to document these words of love and the making of love.

happy weekend to you all. :)

excuses, excuses

2008-02-21T16:37:00.000-08:00

greetings friends and fellow bloggers.
are you ready for the laundry list of excuses as to why i have not even looked at my blog in the last 2+ months?
well...i don't even know where to begin. so instead of talk about how busy we've been (at times), how tiring work has been (at times) and how i've felt a bit challenged (at times) - i'll just say that i'm fine and dandy.
sure, there are some things that i'd like to fix/change about my day-to-day life. but i just can't bring myself to complain and i think that's why i've strayed away from old 'golly gee'.
i'm not sure if this mentality plagues any of you, but sometimes i find it's just easier to use this online forum as a place to air grievances or to 'let it out' when i've had a hard day. after thinking about this tendency to complain, i've decided that it is not who i am and what i want to 'put out there'.
in all honesty, my life is pretty gosh darn amazing.
i have a sweet husband, a great family, a rewarding (and often hilarious) job, many wonderful friends and a happy and comfortable life. i want my posts to reflect who i am most of the time...not just me on my worst days.

in the interest of reveling in the happiness and joy in my life, here are some things that are putting a smile on my face:
*memories of a recent trip to the coast with my wonderful husband (courtesy of his very generous company). whale-watching (kind of...is it still whale-watching if you only see a hint of a whale?), yummy dinners, fireside snuggles, leisurely bike rides, ocean views...sigh. matt being gone all the time is not ideal...but a free weekend get-away is a nice consolation.
*time (face-to-face and phone) with my family - so lucky to have them close enough to visit. :)
*my 1st grade kiddos are reading like crazy! so crazy, in fact, that they were one of the top ten classes in a reading contest in our area. on monday morning, room b-07 will be visited by sharkie, who will praise them for all of their stellar reading. it will be a fun/crazy 15 minutes - and i'll try to get some pictures of the super cheetahs attacking the poor man in the shark costume.
*new tv on dvd via our good friends (both real friends and our friend named netflix) - some of our new faves include flight of the conchords (hilarious!), how i met your mother (who knew cbs had funny tv for young people?) and the wire (very serious....but so good).
*snail mail - including some sweet cards from family/friends and a wedding announcement of a dear old friend. congrats katie! (if you still read this).
*being on a little vacation. i'd like to give a shout out to my old friends George and Abraham for being born and having your birthdays recognized. also, thanks to the nice people at the district office who decided we get a whole week off. i appreciate it greatly.
*finalizing/making plans for our upcoming vacations -- vancouver in march and the u.k. in june! yippee!
*the stew currently cooking up in our crock pot. yum, yum, yum. my husband quoted a great man who spoke fondly of stew: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going." -- anyone care to hazard a guess who said these wise words?

matt just got home, so now our evening can begin. what are you doing you might (but probably won't) ask? well...we're about to upload turbo tax and have a super awesome night of stew, brew and taxes.
yeah...my life is pretty great. :)
happy thursday/weekend to you all.

goodness

2007-12-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

this week has been full of goodness. :)
and, when goodness abounds, you just have to share it and spread it around.

here are some goodies...
*enjoying season four of gilmore girls - including swoons, laughs and repeat viewings of my favorite moments/scenes :)
*talking to matt on the phone - it's worth the $3/minute (yay for expense reports) :)
*spending the past weekend with my sister - and reaffirming that she is so neat and i am so blessed to not just be her friend but her family, too
*singing at the top of my lungs and jumping up and down like a teenager at the jimmy eat world show last weekend
*baking my mom's festive and delicious chocolate mint cookies
*thinking fondly of my family and getting excited to see them soon for christmas
*watching one of my favorite kiddos from last year break-dance in the holiday show (random, i know)
*congratulating the break-dancing wonder and his cute and modest reaction
*wearing cute work outfits - shallow, i know - but looking okay makes me feel okay :)
*spending some rare social time with co-workers (at yummy macaroni grill)
*getting to know a co-worker better - maybe he and his wife will be our friends? :)
*listening to holiday tunes on pandora.com
*practicing the 'reindeer pokey' for the holiday show
*laughing along with my kiddos when they put their 'tail' in and out - too funny!
*making blankies for our family members - 1/2 down, 5 1/2 to go (i will finish!)
*administering a state test to my kiddos and finding that they're learning (!!!!!)

i hope this week ends on a high note for you all. :)
happy friday, friends.

mega-post

2007-12-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

life is...full.
full of mostly wonderful things. :)
and a few bummer things. :(
everything going on in this full life of ours could (and should) be it's own post. but lack of time/motivation/words means they will instead be lumped together, into what i will call a mega-post. here goes nothing...

wonderful thing #1: things within the four walls of my classroom are great. the students are just swell. they are bright, sweet, eager, inquisitive, hilarious. sure...i have moments/days when i wonder why i subject myself to six-year-olds. but then...there are the days (more often than not) when it's all worthwhile. i'm definitely enjoying this second time around and look forward to the months to come with my super cheetahs. :)

wonderful thing #2: my sister kaitlin is coming tomorrow to spend a few days with lonely lil' me (more on that in bummer #1). she going to come by my school and hang out with the kiddos and i. and then, she is accompanying me to a concert in the 'big city' where i can see a few of my favorite bands. my mom and pop are super-duper generous and asked if we wanted to stay in the city for the night and sprung for a hotel. i'm super excited to spend more time with her and enjoy some city wandering, shopping and whatever else we feel like.

wonderful thing #3: we are 99.9% done with our holiday shopping. it's kind of nice to have (almost) everything purchased and ready to be packaged/put together. i am making cozy fleece blankets for family members, so i have yards and yards of fabric to cut, snip and tie. easy to do..i just need to do it. :) here are some samples of the fleece-y goodness i'll be working with.

wonderful thing #4: i have been extremely lucky lately - in the give-away sense. at a new teacher event, i won a drawing for a basket of holiday, classroom and edible goodies. it was just a little something...but exciting. motivated by my brief lucky streak, i left a comment on this blog to win an apron she was generously giving away. and...lo and behold...i was the lucky winner and am now the very proud owner of this darling apron:

i even used it tonight to make some delicious cranberry-orange pinwheel sugar cookies. yum, yum, yum. i love cookies...especially when they are mixed and baked while wearing cute clothing protection.

wonderful thing #5: it's starting to kind of feel like something resembling winter -- and i am loving every second of it. i know it bums out some people...but cool, overcast days with a chill in the air energize me.

bummer thing #1: matt is working in south korea again. he's gone until december 21st - but will be back in time for christmas. then, he's off to korea again to finish their project on the 27th of december. it's not fun having him gone...but, on the bright side, his company offered some 'cash an prizes' for those who have to go. basically, the company will pay for us to go on a trip wherever we want, whenever we want. i think it will be an okay trade-off, especially since we're looking in to heading to europe. :)

bummer #2: while my classroom is a positive environment, the climate at my school is growing increasingly negative. in short, teachers in my district don't have a contract for this year and are trying to increase the salary scale and improve the benefits packages. negotiation meetings have been unsuccessful and unproductive - due to 'error' on both sides. with all of this going on, there have been rumblings of striking amongst teaching staff district-wide.
during conversations on this topic, i shared that i would not strike. i am not alone in my desire to continue working. since i (and a few others) have indicated our intentions, things between strike-supporters and non-strike-supporters have been awkward and just plain petty. another teacher in my grade-level has criticized me in front of our grade-level team and, in the last few days, has practically stopped speaking to me directly because of how strongly she feels about supporting the decisions of the union. while i respect and understand her point of view, i do not respect or understand how my personal opinion gives her the right to treat me the way she is. being the people-pleasing, emotion-prone person i am, this has been hard for me to handle but i'm trying to stay positive and not let it get to me (i'll let you know when that finally happens). :)
i realize that i should probably care more about the decisions and negotiations of the union and the district. however, at this point in my career, i am just happy to have a consistent and well-paying job (for teaching, at least), supportive colleagues (most of the time) and a pretty neat group of students to mold and motivate. :) my hope is that this matter is settled soon - either with a set contract or a definite strike - so things can go back to how they were.
***long and rambling soapbox moment for those who care: i got in to teaching because i want to support children, plain and simple. the students in my district come from families with incomplete educations, limited options and the challenge of adjusting to life in the united states. i feel honored to be in a position where i can help these students to recognize alternative options and motivate them (even at age 6) to dream big and work hard for whatever they want in life. my students are my primary concern and i will do what i need to do in order to support them and help them learn. if that means working with students after school (without the promise of $$$ compensation), so be it. if that means staying late to prepare materials and plan a little bit extra, so be it. if i were to strike, i feel that i would be depriving my students of opportunities to learn. sure, they could hear the information from a substitute, but i feel that my presence in the classroom is beneficial to them and that the ways that i structure and plan things can help them achieve success. my focus is my students. and sometimes, i recognize that i sometimes put their needs above my own (which i need to work on) - but i feel like what i do matters and i want to do it the best i can and put in my best effort. okay...end of soapboxing rant.***

okay...that tuckered me out.
i am off to bed to rest up for another busy day with my kiddos.
i'm hoping for the kind of day that can build on the wonderful things.
with all the fun coming up...i think my chances are pretty good.
:)

self

2007-11-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

my body and mind are still in 'vacation' mode and i should be forcing myself into bed so i start this week on a well-rested note. however, this aforementioned mind of mine is swirling with all kinds of thoughts. and since my husband is in minnesota for work and it is too late to call someone...here i am. in the interest of going to bed soon-ish and (hopefully) clearing my mind, i'll attempt brevity.
for as long as i can remember, i just wanted to be a good kid/student/daughter/sister/friend. i'm not sure where it came from...but it was just there. as i grew older, my desire to be 'good' remained, but took on more meaning as i gauged my actions, thoughts and words against the example of Jesus. i want to be like Him - loving, patient, generous, forgiving. and what is currently occupying my mind is who i am in Him -- the good, the bad and the in-between. i want to embrace the good, transform the bad and adjust the in-between to become the person He desires me to be.
lately, i've been 'battling' with the bad that to wants to surface - the selfishness, the attitude, the negative filter. when i am so wrapped up in myself and negative feelings, it's difficult to love, be patient, be generous and forgive. it's left me where i am now - feeling that my purpose is off-track, that my attitude is keeping me from who i can be, and that being a negative nellie is just no fun - for anyone!
tonight, i finally recognized the flaws in my attitude and acknowledged the need for change. there is no quick fix or simple answer to anything i've put out there all i can do is pray and be patient that God will bring about the changes in me. i've just felt 'off' for a little while now...but i have faith that He will bring me back to where i need to be.
may you all have a wonderful monday and a blessed week.

p.s. a song that touched my heart long ago...and again tonight.
Your love is all I have
it brings me to the floor
i can't ignore the way You make me feel
Your eyes are fixed on me
Your words will light my way
from day to day I will never need a thing
You're faithful to the end
You've let me know through every circumstance You will never leave my side
You're closer than my breath
You're always on my mind
and still there's room for more of You in my life
invade my very heart
change me until I am who You are
come and fashion me until every part is how You desire
those stains that covered me
they all have disappeared since You came near
You've made me like a child
now I see through Your eyes the way it ought to be
You're calling me to never compromise
invade my very heart
change me until I am who You are
come and fashion me until every part is how You desire

~'fashion' by jason morant~

edit

2007-11-11T00:29:00.000-08:00

i've started about a dozen posts since my last post...but just haven't found the time to finish them. other things seemed to beckon and, upon returning to the partial post, i didn't know how to finish it. i'd changed my perspective or, sometimes, i'd just lost the train of thought.
and, honestly, most of the posts were no good. lots of rambling, venting and 'in the moment'-fueled writing. this isn't stuff i want to write (why, oh why, do i dwell?) and i doubt it's anything anyone would want to read.
and that is where i'm hitting a wall with this blogging thing.
i feel like i waver between mini-updates about my life and complaints about minor things. something i enjoy and value about the blogs i read is the way that the aspects of their day-to-day lives (both the good and the bad) are interwoven with their thoughts and feelings(positive and negative).
my problem: i feel the need to edit and censor myself -- only presenting the person that i want people to know and see.
the person who is happy and positive all the time.
the person who is consistently a generous and thoughtful wife.
the person who is a nurturing teacher, day in and day out.
i'm hesitant to give some friends and family my blog address for fear of what they will think or feel about what i write. do i want people to know the messy/less-than-ideal aspects of myself?
to be perfectly honest, being thought of as friendly, nice and 'together' is kind of appealing. but it is not always realistic.
some days, i am a grump and i fight with my husband for no good reason and i snap at kids who really don't deserve it.
i'm realizing that i need to find the balance between being honest and candid about my life -- but not using this blog as a forum for airing any and all grievances i may have. i don't know what that will look like exactly.
the next few days/weeks/months will be an exercise in being honest about my life - sharing the good and being open to mentioning the bad. since i am overly wrapped up in being the 'perfect (insert label)' - this will be a challenge. but bear with me...maybe by the new year, i'll have struck that balance. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now, for those who care, i leave you with some highlights/thoughts. after all, it has been a loooong month since my last post and i'm sure you're all curious.
*matt returned safely - and a week early, too. :) it took a little adjusting for both of us after being independent for a few weeks, but we're back in a groove and enjoying being in the same country. he leaves again in early december - so we're squeezing in plenty of opportunities for quality time until then.
*school is good. my little kiddos are super smart, very cute and pretty well-behaved. we're off to a great start and i'm excited to see where this year goes. it's going by soooo quickly!
*james has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately. matt's family is having a hard time - so prayers would be appreciated. we're going to see them tomorrow and we'll do what we can to help out - whatever that may be. :)
*i'm loving this cold weather. it means warm drinks aplenty, cozy sweaters coming out of storage and using our very efficient heater. i love fall/winter.
*30 rock is an awesome show. we are nerds and watch old tv shows on netflix because we don't have cable. anyways...we giggled our way through the entire season. good times.
*i am looking forward to thanksgiving. i will be participating in three thanksgivings this year - one at school, one with college friends in the city and then the actual day of giving thanks. luckily, i adore thanksgiving food - so this trifecta of turkey will not be a problem.

alright...off to bed on this glorious fall weekend - which just happens to be three days long. happy weekend, all.
:)

solo.

2007-10-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

my husband is away.
on business.
in korea.
with a sixteen-hour time difference.
for three weeks.

it's only been four days (he left friday).
and i'm counting down the days until he returns.
i'm not used to being by myself - i kinda like having him around. :)
maybe i should be stronger.
but, gosh darn it, i miss him. :(

we're exchanging e-mails daily.
but we can chat for only ten minutes a day
which is better than nothing...but still doesn't feel like enough.
it's been an adjustment.
i hope that the next two and a half weeks get a little easier.

if you'll be in the bay area, let me know.
i could use some interaction...with people above six, that is. :)
happy monday/week to you all.

overdue

2007-09-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

after a long month of no-internet-at-home (darn at&t) and no-blogger-at-school (darn firewall), i'm finally able to update...a little bit. i'm a bit tired, so i figured i'd post - just to try and get back in the habit. :)
to summarize the last month:
*school started and i am happy to announce that i have a great group of kids. some minor 'issues' (a thumb sucker - ick, ick, ick!), but overall, they are sweet and eager to work.
*we're about 80% moved in to our new apartment. we love it and, despite the hassle of actually moving, it's been a good change for us. we both have good commutes and have our necessities at our fingertips. you know, the important things, like target, costco and el torito (a beloved mexican restaurant). :)
*matt started his new job the same day i started this school year. he's enjoying the change of pace and the challenge of new tasks. he's scheduled for some overseas trips (korea, japan, back to korea) in the next few weeks. he'll be gone for 2-3 weeks at a time, which will be hard, but the silver lining is that i will be able to travel with him overseas when i'm on vacations. and, with all the travel, we'll rack up air and hotel miles - so we can maybe take a cheap-ish vacation (which is just our style).
*james (my brother-in-law who i mentioned a few posts back) is out of the hospital. they still have no idea how to help him...but the doctors are looking in to options. for those of you who want to stay updated, matt's parents created a blog to keep family/friends updated. this will be a better source of information than i can provide: www.prayforjames.blogspot.com.
*i'm looking forward to some visits with family and friends when matt is gone. since i'll have a lot of free time on my hands, i figured i'd put it to good use and see people i don't see all that often.
*and, just because it makes me feel happy inside, fall is upon us...almost. the weekend was positively wonderful...but the next two days look to be not so good. i'm hoping this crisp fall air sticks around -- it's my favorite season. :) and, as a side note and added bonus, fall signals the return of pumpkin spice lattes - which is a beloved seasonal treat of mine.
with that, i'm off to bed. teaching the kiddos tuckers me out and i need my sleep -- otherwise i pity the kiddos who have to deal with cranky me. :) i hope you all had a wonderful start to this week. i'll try to post something with some substance soon.
happy week, all. :)

back to school... :)

2007-08-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

school starts tomorrow.
the last days/weeks have been filled with curriculum training, room beautification, lesson planning...and a few bouts of stress-related tears.
but the room is finished (for now...), i'm ready (i think...) and we're going for it (starting at 8:15 tomorrow).
i'm super eager to get to know a new group of kiddos.
but i'm nervous about some kiddos who have already been brought to my attention because of their sometimes negative behavior.
i'm wanting to do my very best to turn these kiddos into super readers, writers and (basic) mathematicians.
but i'm worried that i won't have enough time for anything else - can i teach art, science and social studies more often this year?
i'm excited to work with the staff - both returning and new.
but i'm wondering if we'll all be able to interact and create a supportive environment like last year.
i hope to see my old kiddos.
but will they come visit me...and did i serve them well?
i know it'll be a great year...but my stomach is full of butterflies.
more news to come once i'm settled in.

besides my new school year, matt is starting a new job tomorrow with a company that could be a great opportunity to transfer out of state when the time comes. and, to top it off, we're moving. it a lot of changes for our little world...but they're all positive, so we're happy and taking it all in stride.
i'm off to pick out my first-day-of-school clothes, gather my teacher materials and pack up my new orange lunchbox with handy tupperware insert. happy monday/week to you all. :)

update

2007-08-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

Hi all.
Thanks for your prayers for James. He is better now, but it was very uncertain not too long ago. Since there is a lot to write, I will copy the e-mail my husband sent to his co-workers and some friends. So, below is Matt's rundown of the last couple days:

*Thursday - James had 5 grand mal seizures within an hour (basically in a constantly seizing state) and was rushed to the ER. Mary, Matt's mom, noted that his breathing was very shallow so when they got to the hospital, they put him on a ventilator, where he remained for the rest of the night. He was also given a massive dosage of Ativan (similar to Valium) for seizure control. He takes this medicine regularly in smaller doses but, due to the repeated seizures, the amount in his blood equaled up to a very large dose. He was fairly stable and remained in the ICU.

*Friday - Mary called Matt at 2:00 and told him to come to Walnut Creek immediately. He picked me up at home and we arrived. The doctors told us that earlier in the day, they had tried numerous times to pull James off of the ventilator but that he would not start breathing on his own. After running some more tests, they determined that the Ativan was not only suppressing the seizures but also preventing his brain from telling his body to breathe. There were two long-term possibilities (barring anything unexpected): 1) Stay on the ventilator in a drug-induced coma for the rest of his life or 2) take him off Ativan (meaning no seizure control), allowing him to breathe on his own, but ultimately leading to organ failure since the trauma the body experiences during the constant-seizure state is so taxing. Matt and his parents talked about it and decided that they'd wait out the weekend and see is James improved. There was little hope that he would improve, so they were preparing to take him off the ventilator and allow him to pass away peacefully. This was not being morbid or fatalist; the doctors told us that this was going to happen and that they were not expecting anything else than the above.

*Saturday - Mary calls us early in the morning to say that James is off the ventilator. He is still very groggy from the drugs he is on, but he is able to nod and look at people when they talk to him. The drugs keep him constantly struggling to maintain consciousness, but he is doing much better. Saturday evening, the doctor tells us that they see no reason why he cannot get back to where he was before this all started. There is a small scare around midnight right when we're saying good night and about to leave when he stopped breathing, but it was shortly after another dose of medicine so it was chalked up to the shock of the drugs on his system. Matt went over to his bedside and shook him awake and he started breathing again.

*Sunday - James is awake more and able to speak. He behaves much more like himself (smiling, being a 'stinker', soaking up the attention of nurses/family) and is even able to play cards (sort of). He was taken out of the ICU and off all of the breathing monitors. They are looking at releasing him at the end of next week.

So...things are alright now...but it was a little touch and go for a little while. Everyone is doing well and are hoping James can regain the lifestyle he lived before his seizures became difficult to control Continue to keep James in your thoughts and prayers as they seek out what to do nest. There is some worry that this will be a recurring problem...so we're hoping the doctors can suggest anything that could help or make his life/health more stable.
Hope you all have a great week and I'll update again soon. :)

james

2007-08-10T18:28:00.001-07:00

hi friends.
time is short...but i have a request of you.
my sweet brother-in-law james is in the hospital, due to complications from his ongoing battle with seizures. he is on a ventilator and things are looking very uncertain. the family (matt's parents, matt, and his brother michael) is hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst.
any prayers/happy thoughts you could offer -- for james, mary and brian, matt, michael, the doctors -- would be greatly appreciated.
thanks...and i hope to have more information to update soon.

shoo fly...

2007-08-09T23:45:00.000-07:00

...don't bother me!!!!!!
we have an icky thing going on in our apartment.
while we were in chicago, a family of flies somehow found a gap and moved in.
they're zipping around here like the own the place.
as a result, we've closed ourselves up, meaning very little fresh air is making it in.
and the worst part is that over the last few days they have been dropping like...well...flies.
it's icky and gross and bleh.
does anyone know - is this the time of year for new flies to be born?
i hope they stop reproducing soon.

besides the fly infestation....things are good.
*i can get back into my classroom officially on monday. i wish i twas sooner, but the carpets are still being cleaned and the newly tarred are apparently quite stinky. i'm excited to get in there, organize the crap out of everything and prep my room for the new batch of kiddos.
*i'm seeing my friend aimee this saturday for the first time in a year! it's been too long considering she lives 30 minutes away. but she is also a new teacher (first grade, too) and we were both up to our ears in work. anywho, she is one of my favorite people and i always love seeing her and catching up. :)
*we're moving september first - so we're starting to pack up our stuff. we don't think we have much...but then we realized that we opened all of our wedding gifts in this apartment and put them all away gradually. i am a little shocked at how much junk/stuff we have. i suppose a little 'purge' will be for the best. :)
*other goodness: free movies downtown, snow patrol's cd 'eyes open', nectarines, an a's game next week (free tickets and free food - lucky us!), relaxing with matt, the last days of my summer vacation...
happy friday/weekend, friends. :)

blogs galore :)

2007-08-07T16:24:00.000-07:00

hi all. everyone and their mother might already know about what i'm about to share, but i figured i'd pass along the thing that has made my blog reading a little...swifter.

i love to read blogs and get caught up on the lives of people i know in 'real life'. but over the last few months, i've come across the blogs of some wonderful, creative and thought-provoking people that i want to continue reading. i don't know about you, but it was getting a little crazy (and super time-consuming) going to each individual blog and checking for ideas and updates. recently, i discovered a way to make my blog reading more 'focused'.

introducing...the helpful and handy google reader!

with google reader, you plug in the url's for your favorite blogs (personal, news, arts, etc.) and google reader will constantly check the sites for updates. it then provides a list of all the new blogs your favorite people post - all in one place! you can also put the blogs in groups - to keep it all organized. :)

i love it and, while it makes me a super lazy blog reader, it definitely keeps me up to date on the people that intrigue and inspire me. hope it helps you keep up with your favorites. and if you have any question, i'll do my best to help out...but i'm not the most tech-savvy gal in the world. :)

happy tuesday friends...and happy blog reading.

chicago! :)

2007-08-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

we're back from the 'windy city'.

which was not the case when we were there.

so i'll re-dub it the 'warm and a little humid city' - as that was our personal experience.

despite the temperature, we had an absolute blast in chicago.

it is such a neat city - it's full of history, but modern at the same time.

we did all the requisite touristy things - sears tower, navy pier, hancock observatory, the field museum, the shedd aquarium, the art institute, millennium park, the 'bean' and so much more.

we ate delicious food. deep-dish pizza was consumed (i loved pizzeria due, an off-shoot of the better-known pizzeria uno), chicago-style hot dogs were enjoyed and yummy soft-serve kept us cool as we wandered the warm city streets.

we visited with friends and family. we stayed with my aunt and uncle -- who i've only interacted with a handful of times because they live far away -- and it was an absolute treat to talk to them and get to know them better. they were such wonderful and generous hosts - and they're the neatest people. and...as an added bonus...we met up with a friend who recently moved to chicago. he played tourist with us and also showed us some of his new favorite finds.

we rode (lots of) trains, hopped the free trolley, walked until our legs were wobbly, snapped pictures of just about everything (we have 550 pics to prove it!), laughed about silly things and created a wonderful memory. it was great to have some time to spend together before things get busy and stressful once again.

just what will be keeping us busy? well...in the next few weeks, matt starts his new job, school starts for me (in exactly three weeks!), and we're moving north on september first. lots going on...but all of it is good, so i'm just gearing up. :)
hope you are all enjoying the last days/weeks of summer.
also...enjoy just a small sampling of our pictures of chicago fun.

the view of sears tower from our architecture boat tour.

delicious deep-dish pizza.

taking a picture with the bean and the city. (i'm the gal in the blue) :)

one of my favorite paintings -- 'a sunday afternoon on the island of la grande jatte' by georges seurat

the neat kimodo dragon mouth entrance to the wonderful shedd aquarium

sue, the world's largest female t-rex skeleton, in the field museum

grant park -- being taken over by the lollapalooza music festival. sadly, we didn't get to walk through it...so this is the next best thing. :)

the view of the downtown from the sears tower - beautiful views. :)

'the dark knight' -- the new batman movie -- was filming in chicago at night. sadly...there were no christian bale sightings. :( but this is a blurry picture of gary oldman doing a scene for the movie.

matt and i enjoying the city. it was a wonderful trip - can't you tell by our happy faces? :)

snippets

2007-07-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

summer is just flying by.
hard to believe it's almost the end of july.
and i just realized that one month from tomorrow is my first day of the school year - yay for new school years and new little kiddos to mold! :)
a lot has been going on in our little home lately. i could probably blog about all of it individually, but i'll keep it brief instead.
1. matt interviewed with two different companies in the last two weeks. they both liked him and their offers both came down last week. there was much debate about which one to take - and he/we decided on one. i'm super proud of him and am excited that he'll be doing something that he enjoys more and will be a valued employee.
2. with this new job, it's looking like we should move. my job is already 20 minutes away and matt's new job will be 30-40 minutes away. both jobs are north of where we currently are - so a move northbound is what we're hoping for.
3. moving north is proving to be a challenge. somehow, in the last year, rent for apartments has skyrocketed (ours has, thankfully, stayed the same). we're a little shocked at how expensive the rent is for a 1BR/1BA place. we might need to give in and raise our rent 'limit' - but since we're both so focused on 'save, save, save' for the future house, it's hard to justify. hopefully something presents itself soon. until then, i will be a notorious craigslist stalker. :)
4. today was my last day of volunteering at the college. i met a lot of great people, learned how to stretch people, learned some basic massage that won't tire out my hands and heard a lot of interesting life stories. there's been a mutual agreement to share what's going on in our lives - so i'll be updated on all them and they'll hear about my adventures in first grade.
5. we're spending the weekend doing things with matt's friends from high school. i don't know all of them - but they're super friendly and have been welcoming to me (the newbie). there's a wedding on friday night (hooray for a cheap new dress!) and a big barbeque on saturday. i think we'll squeeze in a visit with matt's family, too - so it should be a great weekend.
6. we leave for chicago next week. yay! we're asking friends (thanks hil!) and scouring the web looking for the top things to do and are now trying to squeeze them all in to three days. it'll be great to see our friend ken and my uncle todd and aunt sher. we're looking forward to getting out of san jose for a couple days...even if it means hot weather and humidity. :)
7. school starts soon-ish. i'm excited to get in my classroom, find out who my students will be and get to work on planning the year. i loved back to school as a kid - and i love it even more as an adult. i'm sure it'll wear off with time...but for now, i'm excited to get back to work.
have a great friday/weekend all. :)

huh?

2007-07-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

it's july, right?
and july is usually hot and sunny, right?
it seems that the bay area is already looking forward to winter. :)
because it's rainy here today.
rain in july is not something i'm used to, but i'm loving it.
the trees are bright green from the light sprinkle, the air is warm, the sky is overcast with the sun trying it's hardest to push through.
it's a pleasant suprise in the midst of this hot summer.
and, as an added bonus, i don't need to pay for a car wash now. :)

hope you are enjoying a nice july day - whether hot or cold, sunny or rainy.
i'm off to watch 'sleepless in seattle' (sigh...what a lovely movie) and enjoy some yummy lunch.
this has the makings of a good afternoon. :)

frog 'n' bug :)

2007-07-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

one more thing...

not sure how many of you have google set as your home page, but i do.

google gives you the option of customizing your home page with a fun 'theme'.

and, for the last few weeks, i have been delighted by the daily antics of frog and bug. :)

they eat, they play, they camp and they have all kinds of fun.

just wanted to share something that has made me smile every day. maybe that's sad...but small things do make me happy.

and...it just looks like they're having so much fun! :)

here's a sample.

enjoy the rest, if you wish. :)

p.s. it's the one called springscape

opportunity :)

2007-07-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

after all of the complaining about my lack of things to do, my summer of boredom has been replaced with busy-ness and activity. now...i'm actually thinking some relaxation wouldn't be so bad. ;)
the day after my post about wishing for things to do...an opportunity arose.
a friend from our church small group, jim, teaches adapted physical education for special needs adults at a local community college. i mentioned i was having trouble filling my days - and he had just the answer - help in his class.
so, for a couple hours everyday, i am a volunteer/'physical therapist'/'masseuse'/motivator for some really neat and interesting people.
they are college students, middle-aged adults and senior citizens.
some have suffered an accident that left them paralyzed, some have been disabled their entire life, others are looking for a way to keep their body active and healthy.
it is such a wonderful program because it provides this wonderful opportunity for people who may not receive the care and support they want and/or need.
jim assigns the students to the various helpers, so i've gotten to know some of them a little better.
i work with stephen, a college student with autism. he is sweet and loves to laugh...but sometimes lacks focus. :) so my job is to count as he holds a stretch, help him use the machines/weights correctly and encourage him to push himself a little harder. and - he's making me work hard at the same time - my weak little arms are not used to all these weights. :)
i work with rose, a woman who suffered a stroke in 1980 that left her with very limited use of her left side. she wants to regain function of her left side and she is so eager to improve. she encourages me to keep trying and not let things get me down - she's great. :)
there are others...who i'll try to mention later. all in all, i am so glad that this opportunity presented itself. and even when i am tired and my muscles feel a little beat-up, i know that what i'm doing this summer is something i will never forget.
~~~~~~~~~~~
besides the volunteering, things have been good and busy.
we tried to go 'away' for the 4th - but after some traffic-filled driving and some frustrating circumstances, ended up back home watching a movie, eating yummy food and enjoying the day off.
we saw a good friend get married in slo last weekend. such a sweet wedding and they are so obviously and blissfully in love. *sigh*...weddings. :)
this weekend, we're going north to see the family - and also visit with my aunt kathy and uncle steve (they are the best!) who are passing through town. should be good times with the fam. :)
that's all for now, friends. happy wednesday. :)

we...

2007-07-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

although friday ended with bad news of a teeny-tiny cavity in my tooth (darn it, jill!), the rest of the weekend was delightful.
we (matt and i) just relaxed and simply enjoyed one another's company.
we ate carls jr. (his choice) and talked about the future and where/why/when we should move.
we dinked around wal-mart looking for the gaudiest gifts for his brother's birthday.
we ate yummy generic orange creamsicles - can you tell i love them?
we walked around the park and discussed where we want to go on vacation this summer.
we went to a san jose giants game (they're the minor league team) with our friend ken.
we ate yummy bbq, garlic fries and ice cream cones.
we drank icky, but half-priced, budweiser beer when the 'beer batter' struck out. only in the minor leagues, folks. :)
we watched an orange gorilla (the team mascot) seawalk and 'break it down'. it was awesome.
we watched kids run the bases and fall down - then pick themsleves up and run like crazy.
we saw a spectacular (honestly!) fireworks show - especially when one firework went off too soon and probably almost lit the workers on fire. kinda scary...but funny at the same time.
we decided to go on vacation in august to...chicago...to visit our soon-to-be transplanted friend, ken.
we are very excited about this. yay vacation. :)
we went to see matt's brother and the rest of the family for some birthday fun.
we watched game show network (james' favorite) and politely laughed at the contestants they find to be on those shows.
we decided that we would be awesome on those shows and should try out. you may see us soon. check your local listings. ;)
we ate yummy food and the most delicious homemade, from scratch vanilla cake. my mouth is still coated in the vanilla-y goodness.

this weekend was just dandy. good company, good times, good food. good all around.
happy monday/week to you all. :)

dentist :/

2007-06-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

we're going to a new dentist today.
and, at twenty-three, going to the dentist still gives me some anxiety.
i used to be a hardcore, six-months-to-the-day dentist visitor.
but it's been over a year - getting insurance squared away was a little crazy.
i want clean teeth (such a great feeling)...but are they okay?

i'm actually kind of nervous.
will the new dentist 'like' my teeth?
have my teeth been good to me this past year?
have i been good to my teeth this past year?
are they cavity free?
did i brush and floss often enough?
are my gums healthy?

here's hoping for a clean bill of dental health for my pearly whites.

pretty, huh? i'm that excited about clean teeth. :)

new things and delightful things

2007-06-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

per my last post and my 'new thing' goal, trying new things is easier said than done.
yesterday, i learned a new thing about myself.
i am not good with coming up with 'stuff' to do.
tuesday's new thing was sad...i tried something new with my hair.
whoa! shocking, i know.
i tried to put it in two braids like i saw pictured in a magazine.
but after many attempts, my arms were weak and my fingers said 'who cares?'
so i did two normal braids.
boo. :(
today, i tried (again) to crochet.
two birthdays ago, my parents gave me a crocheting for dummies book, a pack of hooks and some cute yarn.
over the last two years, i have tried to 'work the needles' - which reminds me of the part in 'never been kissed' when drew barrymore's character reminds gus that she (senorita josie) helped him work the needles.
anywho...the hooks/needles don't seem to like working with me. i need a senorita josie to show me the error of my crocheting ways. my goal is that maybe by winter, i will have something that can keep my warm - a scarf, a hat, a coaster -- i'm not picky.
anyone have tips for how they learned how to crochet? people say it's easy and i am fairly dextrous - but can't seem to get it. any suggestions would be helpful.

now, instead of dwelling on negatives, like my inability to braid my hair in new ways or my inability to 'work the needles', i wanted to highlight some things that have brightened my life and kept me kinda busy with all this free time.
~*~the homemade pork fried rice my husband whipped up lat night - super bad for me to eat but absolutely delicious
~*~generic orange creamsicles from safeway - yum, yum - and it's 'healthier' than fried rice :)
~*~michael buble's new cd, call me irresponsible - his song 'everything' is too cute.
~*~planning a crafty project using our wedding response cards, some modge podge and our kitchen tabletop
~*~writing cards to friends and family - because who doesn't love getting snail mail
~*~hanging out with the treadmill - we're getting somewhere and i think we could be friends after a few more visits
~*~walking the loop at our local park and chit-chatting with matt
~*~tv on dvd (office, a.d., friends) - the ultimate cure for boredom on hot days
~*~thinking of fun things for matt and i to do this summer - baseball games, 4th of july festivities, concerts in the park, etc. :)
~*~browsing all my cookbooks for summery new recipes to try out for din-din
~*~attempting to clean up - then finding an old box and reminiscing about all the pictures, cards and fun stuff inside.
~*~dinner with college friends - okay, it's tonight - but i'm excited and it is making me happy
hope you are all having a lovely wednesday full of delightful things.
also...if you have any fun, creative ideas for hobbies/things to do - let me know. :)

summer(free)time

2007-06-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

hi all.
happy summer.
as my last post indicated, the 06-07 school year has come to a close.
i spent the good part of last week digging through my cupboards and filing cabinets - filtering through all of the junk of mine and teachers of years past. it is now (kind of) organized. i turned in my key to the principal on friday evening...and i can't go back until august.

i have almost two months of completely free time.
sounds great...right?
i'm not so sure yet.

as awful as it sounds, i don't know what to do with myself when i don't have a routine.
without work...what time do i get up?
if i get up early, i don't know what to do all day.
if i sleep in, i feel like a groggy and lazy bum.
spending the summer watching tv would sure pass the time...but i don't want to spend the whole summer inside watching tv on our one channel.

and today, during my first real day of vacation, i have come to the realization that i need to find things to do. and i came to a second realization - i don't really have any 'hobbies' or things i like to do all by myself. almost everything i've done in my free time has been with the husband because free time opportunities was few and far between.

this summer, i'm looking for things to do. in a homage to a favorite episode of 'friends' called the one with all the resolutions, where ross decides to try one new thing everyday, i might try to follow in his footsteps and try new things this summer. and, since i am having trouble coming up with ideas, i'd love some suggestions of things you all do to pass away the free time - you just might inspire me to find a new hobby or two. :)

so...in honor of this 'new thing' goal - i did something today that i haven't done for a loooong time. in an effort to establish some healthy habits and tone up a little bit, i went to the little gym room in our apartment complex. running is definitely not a new activity for me...but it felt very foreign to my out-of-shape body.
i lasted on the elliptical machine for about 10 minutes before my legs felt like jell-o. i then attempted the treadmill - not as bad, but the jell-o legs made moving a little difficult. i feel okay right now and i even want to go back tomorrow - ahcing muscles or not. :)
i'll leave you with a post-workout photo that highlights a source of much mocking during my years on the track team in high school. when my hair is back in a ponytail and i get a little sweaty around the hairline, the ringlet curls from my youth rear their frizzy little heads and create, what one former team-mate called, the 'jill halo'. happy monday all. :)

good-bye...'til august

2007-06-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

my last day of my first year of teaching was on friday.

the days leading up to it were busy and full - but a great end to a pretty good first year.

we recited silly poems in the talent show, played games in the arbuckle olympics (yay costa rica!), had a reading party, wrote about what we learned, slurped dripping (sugar free) popsicles, cleaned the classroom and shared our favorite things about first grade.

in the last few minutes, i gave each of them a book of their very own and they were giddy with glee to have their own book, especially one specially picked for them by their teacher. they read the notes i wrote them and were so thankful.

that is when the tears first welled.

then it was time to say good-bye.

that is when the tears decided to come - great timing, huh?
through my blubbering, i think i managed to thank them for being such wonderful arbuckle scholars and told them i would miss them all summer. i made them promise me to visit when they were in second grade. some of them asked, 'will you remember us when we are in second grade?" and i, while crying, promised them that i would never forget them.

how could i forget the kids who helped me to learn patience, compassion, and gentleness. who made me laugh and fume...all in the same minute. who listened intently and gave me chance, even when i felt absolutely clueless. who tried so hard and learned so much.

they are incredible.

and i will never forget them.

thanks for a wonderful year, smart sharks of room b-07.

movin'...but where?

2007-06-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

howdy...we're home.
and have been for almost a week.
and, due to a busy week and uncertainty of how to write what i've been thinking, it has taken me this long to articulate it all into something resembling complete sentences.

so...here's what has been swirling around my head all week:
1. we live in the bay area.
2. we both have good jobs and earn a decent amount of money, considering our respective careers.
3. no matter how hard we try, it looks like we cannot afford a home in the bay area without paying off loans and making significant payments for the next 30+ years.
4. we'd like to own a home someday, with enough room to have a family and a yard for our little kiddos to play in.
5. problem: the bay area cannot provide that for us.

so we have begun looking elsewhere for places to live.

as i have mentioned (and have then failed to follow-up on), we took trips to boise, idaho and austin, texas to see what those areas have to offer. we'd heard good things from family and friends and decided to check it out for ourselves. and, after both visits, we realized some very important and positive things about both areas:
1. they have job options for the husband and i (more in austin...but there are still options).
2. homes are cheap (by comparison) and we could move into a beautiful house that we could grow into as we start and raise a family.
3. both have great downtown areas, minor league sporting teams (i do enjoy some good minor league athletics), and many other neat things to do that appeal to our interests.

after all the positive things about both places, there is still something that is keeping me from jumping on the 'let's move out of state' bandwagon. after many talks/discussions with matt about all this, i've narrowed it all down to my desire to make everyone happy ~ matt, myself, my family, his family, my friends, his friends, etc.
something we enjoy now is how accessible our families and friends are. if we want to see them, we can just hop in the car and drive (for 40 minutes or 2 hours) and we're there. it's been wonderful to have such close proximity to the people we care about most. we've talked about how nice it would be to have our families close by when we start a family - we want our children to know their grandparents well. and i know my mom would love for us to stay in california for the same reason. we've also looked at sacramento (very near my parents and not far from matt's), but it's also a little more expensive than we can afford.
i keep going back and forth about what factors to consider when we're looking for a new community. jobs are important - we need to be able to find good jobs. the housing market is another factor - the more affordable, the better. and, of course, family is important to both of us, but we also need to consider the family that we want to start. do we stay here in california to be close to our families, but maybe live in a condo or apartment? do we move to idaho or texas and see our family infrequently, but live in a nice house? right now, it's been difficult to consider all these factors and attempt to decide where we might live for the next 30 years.
my question to you, my wonderful blog readers, is - how have you balanced all these factors and made your choice? i know many of you have made decisions to move away from what is familiar and known for a chance at a great new opportunity. ultimately, we'll have to sit down and hash it out...but for now, i'll get any wisdom you lovely, travelling people have to offer. :)
happy saturday friends.

yee-haw :)

2007-05-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

the long weekend was delightful.
lots of relaxing and good times with the husband and friends.
and then i went back to work.
and worked until 8:00 tonight.
but the reason for the long night is for a good and worthy cause.
we're going on a little vacay.
we're off to texas, y'all. :)
for some community hunting, family visiting and wedding attending.
we're off tomorrow night and return on sunday.
and i hope to have some fun texas pictures upon my return. :)

have a great week.

amy.dina.hilary. :)

2007-05-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

i'm fighting some sniffles...but just can't dwell on them after the wonderful weekend i had.
on friday evening, three women who i have grown up with and shared the good/bad/awkward times with came for a visit. we sat, chatted, laughed, ate dinner, took pictures, ate cheesecake, laughed, sipped, shared, and caught up on everything that's transpired since we last met. it was a treat to rest and enjoy their company and listen to them talk about their lives - the good, the bad and the in-between.
at 2 a.m., we turned in...only to depart hours later ('early' for a saturday) for golden gate park. we spent a lovely day wandering, talking, taking (more) pictures, sipping tea (some good, some bad), laughing and enjoying the beauty of the day. we separated (too soon) and went our separate ways, but it was a delight to spend so much time with these women. we've grown up and changed in many ways over the last six years - some could say we're so different. but there's that link, that common bond that keeps us eagerly coming back to eachother whenever we can find the time.
i hope the next time isn't too far away. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(fun pictures coming soon) :)

one

2007-05-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

on may 14th, 2006, matt and i were married.
and yesterday, we celebrated a happy first year together as husband and wife. it's hard to believe it's already been a year - but it has been a wonderful journey thus far. sure...it hasn't always been sunshine and roses, but we have grown together and created a strong base for the rest of our lives together. we've learned about each other and i know we'll continue to evolve and change throughout our marriage.

to commemorate this momentous occasion, we did a little celebrating. to satisfy the paper tradition of the first anniversary, we exchanged some books we wanted (this for me and this for him) and then went to dinner in monterey here. we ate in this beautiful room and enjoyed a super delicious and very satisfying meal of steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and vanilla creme brulee. yum yum yum. i'm still stuffed. :)
hope you all have a great week. mine got off to a lovely start with our anniversary...and will end nicely with a visit from three of my oldest and dearest friends.
i think i can safely say life is good. :)

report

2007-05-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

as a teacher in the state of california, i am a mandated reporter. this means that if i suspect or witness any behavior that could indicate that a child is being abused, i am required (by law) to report it. i've heard about this in college courses and teacher seminars, but i never thought i'd have to do it. this evening, i did.
to make a long story short, i was at school late tonight and witnessed a mother seriously hurting her child. this child (a fourth grade student at my school) was on the ground, screaming and crying, while his mother kicked him in the back and legs and jabbed her keys into his neck and arms. the mother was being so violent and the child looked resigned to this kind of treatment. i can honestly say i was shocked by what i saw. unsure of what to do (get involved? make my presence known?), i decided to call 911 and see what that could do. i described what i was seeing to the dispatcher and an officer was sent to the school.
by the time the police arrived, the woman and her son were already gone, but other people on campus recognized them as living on a nearby street. i went to the office and found the emergency card with the address and an officer went over there to talk to the family. i gave a statement about what i saw...which was a little nerve wracking as i tried to accurately recall exactly what i saw. i hope it can help the police to ensure this child is safe at home.
i know i did the right thing and am just wondering what's next with all this. will someone press charges? do these kinds of thiings go to court or do they get filed and (sadly) forgotten? i'm just waiting to see where this all goes.
apologies for the serious tone of this post...i know it's not pleasant. it left me a little shaken this evening and i figured getting it out of my mind could help me calm down a bit. i just have to remind myself that i might have helped this kid from future abuses. better to err on the side of caution that let it go.
hope you all have a great rest of the week. :)

past, present, future

2007-05-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

brief update of my daily doings. :)
past: busy week (as usual) as we geared up for the big test we take tomorrow. so nerve-wracking for all involved. hopefully all will go well and they will show the state just how smart they are. i swear - they are little whiz-kids but they get choked up on tests. on thursday, my mom and dad stopped by my classroom on their way to visit my sister at college and were tickled at seeing me doing what i tell them about all the time. my kids were equally excited at seeing that i had a mom and dad and they have requested a return visit everyday. they don't quite understand geography yet...we're working on it. :) then, our weekend was spent house-sitting for a friend and watching his defiant (but adorable) dog, inviting friends over for some cinco de mayo festivities (and discovering that two margaritas makes me silly and sleepy...i am a lightweight), and then heading home to relax and start the week all over again.
present: today's forecast promised some beautiful sunshine and clear skies - something we have been lacking during this fairly gloomy spring. today was maybe in the low 90's but, somehow, it feels like the sun is beating down on my little a/c-free classroom.
oh - and the poor children. based on their behavior and their constant moaning ("it's soooooo hot. can't you do anyyyyything?"), you'd think they were being tortured. i had to remind them that, while i am capable of many things, i cannot change the weather. the last moments of the day were spent with heads down, in the dark, taking deep, calming breaths - kind of for them and very much for me. i can't be too upset at a gorgeous day...i just hope it cools down a bit before it gets any warmer. but i suppose it does give me a good excuse to enjoy delicious and cool starbucks frappuccinos. :)
future: so many wonderful and delightful things to look forward to. this weekend, we will pay our moms some visits to thank them for being amazing. then, monday (the 14th) is our one year anniversary and we are headed out of town for a nice dinner by the coast. i cannot believe it has already been a year. it feels like we've been married longer, but at the same time the wedding seems like it just happened. does that make sense? who knows...i'm suffering from mild heatstroke. and then...to add to this weekend/week of goodness - i get to see some of my most favorite people in the world for a mini-weekend of catching up, eating well and laughing until our sides hurt.
even on the days when things seem a little nuts, it's nice to sit down and reflect on the good, the not-so-good and the greatness to come. hope you all have a wonderful week. :)

yawn...and a meme

2007-04-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

i'm a little tired.
last week wore me out.
apparently, the weekend was not long enough.
this week isn't too busy...yet.
it's only monday.
can't believe it's almost may.
and i also can't believe we've been married for almost a year.
how time flies...especially when you're having fun and loving life. :)
all is well.
that's all for now.
so i will leave you, my special (and few) readers, with a mindless meme. :)
happy week to you all.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Either/Or

james brown or marvin gaye? the marvin - of course. so many lovely memories of friends and groovin to 'let's get it on' at mel's. :)
chinese or indian takeout? indian - yum, yum yum!
fleece or knitted blanket? i love fleece - better coverage and it's oh so soft. :)
girls with makeup or without? depends - some people can go without - i like a little concealer for those 'problem' days. :/
costco or whole foods? costco - if only for the free family membership and their delicious lunch menu (i love the pizza, hot dogs and cheap sodas). also, my husband amusingly calls whole foods 'whole paycheck.
wildflowers or arrangements? wildflowers.
tradition or shakeups? tradition...i'm a traditional old lady at heart.
cello or trumpet? cello - i love the sound of strings.
watch-wearing or no? when i remember. i have a fun nike watch. but, i sometimes feel like my left side is too 'busy' with my wedding bands and the watch. weird...but true.
salt water or fresh (for swimming)? fresh - the taste of salt water makes me feel icky.
pants or shorts? pants - but my all-time favorite is capris (or 'sh-pants' (as in short pants) as my dad calls them. shorts are only for hot days when pants simply will not do.
chatspeak or absolutely NOT? not sure what 'chatspeak' is - does it mean 'lol' and things like that? i think i'm too old - i'm not a twelve anymore.
digital camera or old-school? digital - i love to be able to take as many pictures as i want and save/delete as i choose. and it helps me make sure my eyes are open - i am a notorious picture blinker. :(
wireless or plugged in? we have two laptops and i am so anal about not letting the battery die that i am 'plugged in' all the time. matt is trying to break me of the habit because it's bad for the laptop battery. i'm taking baby steps.
waltz or tango? tango - more fun? i have zero dance training =- but i think the tango could allow some room for creativity? i'll have to ask my mom which is more fun, seeing as she is an avid (and closeted) dancing with the stars fan.
brian williams or anderson cooper? anderson cooper - i remember when he was on the reality show 'the mole' a few years ago. i liked it, so i like him. :)
time or newsweek? um...entertainment weekly? :)
waterbed or mattress? mattress - particularly, our 'homemade' memory foam bed. my husband, the nerdy engineer, did a bunch of research and recreated a fancy pants memory foam bed.
cream and sugar or not? i like whatever is in girly starbucks mochas. so, yes - bring on the cream and sugar and whatever else they put in. :)
iTunes or something else? no iPod (and i the only one left without one?) so i get my music fix with the radio and my outdated cd collection.
scented candles or unscented? mildly scented - nothing too overwhelming or it can give me a headache.
prairie or mountain? mountains - especially on a sunny, summer day. :)
socks or barefoot? socks in winter, flip-flops in summer (so quasi barefoot) and barefoot inside only.
matt damon or ben affleck? i'll say matt damon - he's alright to look at and i like most of his movies.
wool or cotton? cotton - nice, comfy and easily cleaned in the washing machine.
willow tree or pine? pine - i love the smell of pine trees. :)
gerald ford or jimmy carter? jimmy carter - i admire his humanitarian and overseas work.
france or italy? italy - such a lovely (and delicious) place
electric or gas stove? i like gas...except for when i lived in a drafty old house and the pilot light went out every other day.
thrift store or outlet? outlet - thrift stores are fun and i've had some luck...but it gets a little frustrating when you can't find the right size.
japanese garden or english garden? english - i love all things english.
sophia loren or liz taylor? liz taylor - she (and the other stars of that hollywood era) fascinates me.

almost there...for this week ;)

2007-04-19T16:36:00.000-07:00

phew.
it's thursday.
afternoon.
my kiddos have been gone for a few hours.
and i'm 'done' for the week.
sure, i have to teach tomorrow.
but all of the other stuff - not related to educating 7 year olds - is done.
miraculously, i found 80 hours worth of evidence. so $500 is coming my way someday. :)
i finished my btsa (beginning teacher program in ca) action plan...only to find out last night that it is due in late-may. part of me fumed because i was stressing and working late to finish it. but, on the upside, at least i'm done. one less thing to worry about.
since this is only my first year, i did not anticipate how busy the spring would be. i kept thinking, "i have (6,5,4,3, etc) months left to squeeze in (social studies, science, review, p.e., etc) - i'll do it later." and here it is, mid-april, with only two months left, and my science and social studies curriculum have collected a good layer of dust. and p.e. - does recess count? oh yeah...and some of them still aren't the greatest readers, writers or mathematicians.
i'm working to realize that i cannot realistically expect every student that passes through my door to be proficient in absolutely everything. i can hope, but each kiddo is unique and at works at their own level/pace - all i can do is support them along the way. the perfectionist in me is raging...but i'm gently telling her to shut up. all i can do is keep trying and hope that they can master the basics and be successful second graders. time will tell...and i just hope it's not blatantly obvious which future second graders were in my class. :/
keep my kiddos in your thoughts/prayers these next two weeks. we have a two big tests coming up - one writing and one everything-language-arts - and they are already feeling the stress. i'm trying to be as stress-free - but they must be feeding off of it because some of these little kiddos have serious test anxiety. how sad that 7-year-olds have test anxiety - but sadly, it'll be there reality until graduation. (my thoughts on standardized testing and the weight/importance it's given in terms of a teacher's competence/ability is a topic for another blog.)

~~~~~~~~~

besides school - life is lovely.
the husband is sweet, supportive and reminds me to tell the perfectionist to shut up. :) our life is simple (dinner, netflix, snuggles, walks) - but it's going really great. we're nearing our one-year anniversary, which is crazy to think about because it's been a quick year. we're trying to figure out what to do. being that we are both so frugal (and every penny goes into the 'future house' account), we're having trouble justifying what to do. any suggestions of fun, but inexpensive ways, to mark this milestone? let me know. :)

hope you all have lovely fridays and weekends.

drowning in report cards

2007-04-17T19:12:00.000-07:00

just wanted to come up for air and take a break from the all-consuming world of report cards.

egad...it feels like there is so much to do.

i had a lovely spring break (in idaho...blog with pics to come soon) and came back to school yesterday and had two days to get my act together and fill out report cards (eld and academic) for my kiddos.

the reports themselves are not too bad.

just a check here.

and a number (between 1 and 4) there.

but then comes the comment space -- where in a few short lines i get to explain how their kiddo is struggling to read/add/subtract/write/function in first grade. i wish i could do this all in person, but getting parents to come in and talk to me is like pulling teeth. and even when they are here, unless i have a translator, it's pretty useless. lots of gesturing and spanglish spoken by me and confused looks by parents.

so...hopefully my online-translated messages make some sense and parents will know where i'm coming from.

but the workload doesn't stop there.

in addition is a beginning teacher class tomorrow afternoon (complete with busy work...i mean, 'action plan') and a folder full of proof that i have dedicated 80-hours of my life to developing as a teacher. i wish that working in my room 'til all hours of the night counts...but there's no documentation. i'm scrounging around for any proof. maybe blogs about teaching can count...i'll have to ask. either way, i hope it comes together by friday so i can get the credit (and the $500 stipend). :)

alright...enough complaining from this teacher. :) it's time to get back to work.

hope you are all having restful and lovely weeks. i think mine will be magnificent come friday at about 2:20. i think i'll make it until then.

spc ~ body parts ~ feet :)

2007-04-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

feet.
to be honest, they kind of gross me out. :/ but, at the same time, i have to say 'wow'.
these two heels, two arches and ten toes have carried me through so many places and phases.
together, we've enjoyed tall grass, squishy mud, plush carpet, european sidewalks, a specific church aisle and so much more. (by the by...they're not so fond of dusty garage floors (weird, huh?))
there were the days when the world felt heavy and my body was weary...but they helped me keep on keepin' on. and there were the days when i had an extra spring in my step...and they carried me long.
too often, i beat them up with uncomfortable (but adorable) shoes - sometimes sacrifices need to be made. :) so, in honor of my faithful travelling companions...i think i'm inspired to give my tootsies a little love. maybe some color...and some comfy shoes tomorrow. :)
happy tuesday, friends.

a rant...and then an update

2007-03-30T14:06:00.000-07:00

thanks to cesar chavez, i have the day off. and it could not come soon enough.

(begin of rant)

life in room b-07 has been rough.

my kiddos have been struggling lately.

i'm not sure what happened. is it spring fever? or the sudden presence of sunshine? are they getting tired of eachother? what can i do?

in the simplest of terms -- they are being mean to eachother.

and, at the risk of being a big whiner, some are starting to be a little mean to me.

daily there have been physical fights (some minor, some requiring visits to the nurse), unkind words spoken and tattling galore amongst the kiddos. daily there are kiddos who tell me they don't want to read/do math/write/participate. i don't mean to be bossy...but what the crap? some of my little ones seem to forget that i'm the teacher and that it is my job to help them read/do math/write/participate. it makes me sad because they are only six/seven and they already think that there is no problem with defying adults and people in 'authority'.

how can i undo that kind of thinking?

(end of rant)

okay...now i can move on to other things. it's been awhile since my ode to chocolate milk, so here are some things going on lately (in bullet form, so i stay organized):

--my brother-in-law james has been in and out of the hospital due to the doctor's inability to control his seizures. something is amiss with his meds and they just aren't working like they need to. luckily, my in-laws have been able to get more attention from the doctor's at kaiser and they are working to determine what needs to happen to help james. keep him in your thoughts/prayers. and also, i just wanted to give kudos to matt's parents. i have no idea how they can deal with it all, but they're doing it. so keep them (brian and mary) in your thoughts/prayers, as well. :)

--not everything related to my kiddos is negative, so i wanted to highlight some recent fun we've had. :) on wednesday, my kiddos and five chaperones (including my brave husband) ventured to the monterey bay aquarium for a day of aquatic exploration and fun times. i was able to divide the kiddos among the chaperones, leaving me to wander around the aquarium and hang out with all my kiddos as they poked and prodded various sea creatures. they had a wonderful day...and i'll try to put some pictures in a future post.

--we've stocked our netflix queue with loads of tv shows - so we have been a bit reclusive as we catch up on an entire season worth of tv in a weekend. i don't think i could every pay for cable and watch tv the regular way ever again - i'm getting too used to the instant gratification of an entire show at my fingertips.

--spring break is only one week away. this break will include a muse concert in san fran and then a road trip to boise to check it out. pit stops to visit my parents in rocklin will bookend our trip...and cut down on our time in the car. :)

--a little bit of sad news - charles ezra rockway died last week. :(

for those not 'in the know', charles ezra (a.k.a charlie, chuck, and tubs) was one of my family's dogs and he was such a lovable curmudgeon. he had a stroke two weekends ago and gradually lost the ability to move, so my parents decided to put him down. we think he was 15 years old, so he lived a good long doggie life. :)

(charlie is on the left, heidi is on the right)

i'm off now to get caught up on all the things i never have time for when i'm working. i love the free time...but kind of wish i could just be a lump on the couch. i guess i have a whole summer to practice and perect being 'lumpy'.

happy friday/weekend all! :)

does a body good :)

2007-03-16T12:00:00.001-07:00

one additional perk of working at an elementary school is the daily access to chocolate milk. there is just something so fun and refreshing about a half-pint of chocolatey dairy goodness. :) and it's only 1%...so it balances out, right?
i'm enjoying some now on my lunch break and just had to share because it puts me in such a good mood.
happy friday and happy milk drinking. :)

little bit of everything

2007-03-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

the past week has been busy.
come to think of it...i think this is how many of my blogs begin.
i think it is safe to say that all weeks will be busy from here on out. :)

anywho...since my last post, i started liking my kiddos again. :) the kiddos who were there on thursday stayed home and my normal class showed up friday morning (and this week, thank goodness). so my job is once again a source of joy, not headache and insanity.

we visited my parents in sacramento this past weekend to see them and also catch a theater production of 12 angry men (starring none other than norm from 'cheers' and john boy from 'the waltons' - good times, but no autographs). it was the first time that matt and i visited sac when just my parents were around. on the way home, we remarked how grown-up it was so spend a weekend with just parents - usually siblings and extended family are around. it was nice to spend time with them and talk about stuff that would have bored my siblings (or anyone, for that matter) to tears. hot topics of conversation: mutual funds (ooh!), the california housing market (bleh!), work (only briefly!), car shopping (options, options!), etc. with all of those lively topics, i swear there were also many moments of laughter and good times. seeing my mom and pop just make me happy and i am so glad that everyone gets along to swimmingly.

matt and i are in the process of planning trips to boise and austin. why...you might ask? in simple terms, california (especially the bay area) is super expensive. we aspire to someday own a house and on our salaries and with the cost of housing, it doesn't seem to add up. matt knows of companies (and people) in boise and austin, which make them viable options for our relocation in a couple years. we're planning to visit boise in april (during my spring break) and texas in july (which will make or break me - heat is not my favorite). so, my few (but wonderful) blog readers - i have a question for you: have you ever visited/lived in/driven through either of these places? any suggestions on where to go/what to see? we're open...and want to get the best idea of each place duringour short visits. anything would be appreciated. :)

okay...that's all for now. i think. :) i'm off to help the husband prepare some homemade indian food. we're being adventurous. hopefully it pays off. however, we were adventurous with a crockpot tortilla soup the other night and ended up making something that we called 'mexican upchuck'. not good. :(

happy (almost) friday/weekend! :)

oy vey!

2007-03-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

today is over.
finally.
apparently, my kiddos were quite the treat in my absence.
first thing upon entering my room, i found three names on the board, indicating those students who chose not to listen all day.
after that, two separate parents came up to me and said that yesterday, their kids were bothered (hit, pushed, hair pulled, scratched) by another member of the class.
school had not even started and i was already up to my ears in 'talks' with various students about appropriate conduct at school. i usually like to save those talks at least until recess. and i felt compelled to address the class and tell them how disappointed i am to see that they were rude to the sub.
once the bell rang, i knew we were in for a long day. to put it mildly, i was ready to run for the hills by recess. not good...and i think it's against the law. :) the day continued to go downhill - i was scheduled to do some observing today, so another teacher came in to corral my group.
she was forewarned.
basically, they were rude to this teacher (who are these children?), ran amok in the library with this teacher (much to the horror of our sweet librarian) and engaged in some fights (and subsequent principal office visits).
today was not the proudest day for the smart sharks of room B-07. :( maybe it's me? maybe it's them? maybe it's spring? i think i'll blame spring for now...but it's probably a combination of all three. i just have to hope to never be sick again.

all this said...i hope tomorrow is better. it has to be. right? :)

the eye - an update

2007-03-07T13:40:00.000-08:00

so, the nice people at kaiser gave me some eye drops to get rid of my current condition.

i don't think i've ever mentioned that i get the eebie-jeebies when anything gets near my eye. i don't even like touching my own eyes (so how can i still get pink eye?). contact lenses terrify me - i hope to never need them. :)

so, you might wonder...how are those eye drops working out? i think i can honestly say that it is the most pathetic thng anyone could ever see. i think i have gotten more drops on my cheeks and eyelids than in my actual eye.

i hope i can get the hang of it soon - otherwise, i'm still contagious and unable to go to school. wish me luck...i'm off to 'drop' again. :)

the eye

2007-03-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

i've got 'the eye'.

for those not in my family, that means i have pink eye. :(

the man at kaiser said i am highly contagious and should not go to school. so i am home today. i'm not sure who i got it from...i just hope it's looking better by tomorrow.

i don't like to miss school.

latest

2007-03-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

over the last few days, i've sat down to write about a number of things - both positive and not so positive - that have kept me busy. and every time i start to write, something comes up - dinner to be made, lesson to be planned, phone to be answered, husband to snuggle (this one isn't much of a sacrifice), [insert other lame-o excuse], etc. since i am too tired/lazy to dedicate a post to each thing individually - here is a mish-mash of the latest:

~seeing my sister in slo was good fun - but at the same time, it felt a little odd. as previously mentioned, our age/life stage gap wavers between appearing non-existent and being so obvious we have little to talk about. it's just...odd. our relationship has been something on my mind off and on lately. i want to delve into it more (and seek the advice of other bloggers) when i have some more time.

~amy and i spent a lovely and absolutely refreshing day in lovely berkeley. for nostalgia's sake, we ate some delicious diner food, then proceeded to wander around a half-price bookstore (i love discounted things) and then concluded with some warm starbucks drinks. intermixed with all this was some wonderful conversation and genuine communication. she is one of my favorite people and i was just so blessed to spend a day with her. so yeah...i have an awesome friend. :)

~matt and i enjoyed a relaxing weekend where we watched movies in our jammies all day, then spent time with family and/or friends at night. things have been good with us lately - being married definitely suits me. being the wonderful and generous man that he is, matt decided (without any prodding or suggestion from me) to sell his motorcycle and to trade in his leased car - all in the name of saving money for our future. we've both been worried about saving money and whether or not we'll be able to afford a home any time in the next 5 years - so he decided to alleviate some of those worries. he's just swell. :)

~speaking again of my awesome friend, amy, she recently posted about her interactions with other people. as other people's blogs always do, it got me thinking about my interactions with others. mildly put, i can be awkward and a little bit of a worry-wart. my mind is go garbled with thoughts of 'what do i say? am i being completely annoying?' the sad thing is - this isn't just with people i've recently met. sometimes, spending an afternoon shopping or having lunch with my mom/dad/brother/sister/old friend can make me fret about how the one-on-one time will 'go'. i worry - 'will i have anything to say? will i put my foot in my mouth ? what if there is awkward silence?' i've been considering why i feel this way with people i feel comfortable. i haven't gotten too far in my considerations...but i know that it's something i need to not worry about, which is easier said than done.

so...in summary...there are currently lots of things floating around in my noggin. there are more that i am too tired/lazy to write (students making me crazy!!!!, loving the beautiful weather - yay (almost) spring!, summer plans). i want to get them all out soon - it is taking up valuable room. :)
hope this post finds you all happy and enjoying some beautiful weather - it feels like spring is in the air...can't help but smile about that. :)

we're back

2007-02-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

we're back. in full swing.

this morning, i decided i would come home and post about all of the fun i had on my lovely week off. but when i actually got home tonight (around 6 - i'm getting better), i was feeling a little tired.

i'm glad to be back with the kiddos - but wow...they really take my energy. it is only 9:30 and i am off to bed. i feel so old. :)

happy monday/tuesday to you all.

happy birhtday kaykin! :)

2007-02-20T12:26:00.000-08:00

happy 19th birthday to my beautiful, hilarious and wonderful sister, kaitlin.

we're five years apart and, as i complete a milestone (like high school or college), she's just beginning it. it seems like we're always in different places. but as we've gotten older, we're moved from just being siblings to developing a real friendship.

she is one of most favorite people and i'm super excited to head down to slo tomorrow to visit with her and give some birthday love. :)

happy birthday kaykin! :)

rhythm

2007-02-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

the past week and a half at school was busy - but what's new? but this week (thanks to presidents washington and lincoln), i don't have to think about school. i can focus my attention on other things i've neglected.

a friend from our bible study went on a business trip to paris (oh, how i wish i could go back) and asked us to house and dog sit for him. so, even though we were only about 15 miles from our own house, matt and i were lucky enough to have a mini-vacation from our everyday lives. we spent way too much money on all kinds of delicious food (vacation = no cooking), watched some movies we've been wanting to see for a long time, vegged on the couch watching hgtv and dreaming about our future home, took the doggie for walks, talked about anything and laughed about everything.

it was perfect. it was everything that we needed. a time we established as being just for us. not time squeezed in between eating dinner and collapsing into bed. we were able to reconnect and get caught up on eachother. it was great - but also made me sad when i considered, how did we get so distracted that our relationship almost became an afterthought? it almost became something we'll get to when we have time.

over the last few weeks, our church has been doing a series on the balance between work and rest - finding the rhythm God desires for our lives. it's gotten us both thinking about the balance we strike between our jobs and the other aspects of life (eachother, friendships, family, fun). the service this weekend discussed the importance of making time to 'listen' to the rhythm - to slow down the pace of life and enjoy the moments where we can rest or play or just be.

this week off is a rarity - a time when i am not busied with work. but, once things pick up again, i want to make sure that my job does not become the thing that consumes me and takes up the majority of my free time. being the perfectionist i am, i can't just do the bare minimum - i want to do what other teachers are doing, and then some. but i need to realize that i'm just starting and i can't try to be perfect right now - that will come with time. :) as much as i enjoy my job and want to give it my time and energy, this exact job is not what i will be doing for the rest of my life. i want to be the best teacher i can be - but need to remember that being a teacher is not the only role in my life.

the next few weeks will be an attempt to embrace the other roles in my life (wife, daughter, sister, friend). now, i will not neglect my responsibilities to my students, but i need to prioritize and do what needs doing - and just leave it at that. with more time freed up, i want to:

relax and enjoy quality time with matt (without the next day looming in my mind)
talk to my family more than once every week or two
plan and cook yummy meals at home
stay in touch with my wonderful friends
send cards to people (because who doesn't like snail mail)
keep our apartment picked up and clean
read more books (the pile on my nightstand is tipping dangerously)
blog more - less updates, more things on my mind

who knows how much i'll be able to do. i don't know if i can free up enough time to do it all. :) but i want to try. when i really sit down and think about it, nurturing relationships and pursuing things that make me happy is a far better use of time than staying at school until after dark. it won't be immediate...just a work in progress.

happy tuesday, all! :)

spc: black.and.white

2007-02-06T17:08:00.000-08:00

my first attempt at spc. hopefully not the last - i just need to make an effort. :)

i wish it were prettier. but this has (sadly) been my existence since friday. so here i am...in a 'color' world - but feeling a little black and white.

it's like a metaphor or something. or not. i don't know. back to nap time.

happy tuesday all. :)

reality

2007-02-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

i was on campus this afternoon, going about preparing for the following day. i was distracted from my work by what sounded like gunshots. assuming that i was letting my worry-prone mind run away with me, i continued about my work, only to be interrupted minutes later by my principal asking all staff still on campus to lock their doors and stay inside until further notice. yikes!

so i worried.

and peeked out my window.

and worried some more.

about 30 minutes later, my principal again came on the intercom and announced that school was shutting down and all people on campus would need to leave within 15 minutes. so i grabbed my stuff and quickly made my way to my car.

now safely home, i just received an e-mail that there were indeed gunshots in an apartment complex on a street directly behind the campus. many students in our school (some kiddos in my own class) live in these apartments. there is an after-school homework program held in this apartment complex.

even thought i am 100%, absolutely fine, i am still shaken. not because i was in any danger (which i definitely was not), but because this is the reality of my little kiddos. they are only six or seven. and they have to be exposed to the stupid issues of the 'adults' in their community. my heart just breaks that this is what they see; that this could be what they know when they are adults. beyond teaching them how to read, write, add and subtract, i feel an ever greater responsibilty to expose them to lives outside what they may currently know. to talk about going to college. to encourage them to be doctors, police officers, teachers, presidents, fire fighters...whatever they imagine. to provide models/tools for how to interact peacefully. they need this. and if they don't get it at school, then where? if not from me, then who?

if you can, please keep my kiddos (and all the kiddos at my school) in your thoughts and prayers. information is currently limited, so i'm not sure if any one from our school was directly affected or witnessed anything. but i know that some must have heard it. okay...i'm done worrying (for now, at least). now it's time to get my butt in gear and be the things that these kiddos need. :)

motivation...for me :)

2007-02-01T20:55:00.000-08:00

pam, a wonderful friend at school, sent along this little story about teachers. and it gave me a little burst of positive thoughts and happy energy.

today was a day where i felt a little frazzled and totally ineffective with my kiddos. i couldn't find anything i needed today (i think the bermuda triangle is my classroom), the kiddos forgot how to sit in their desks, and i misplaced my patience somewhere on my commute. no good.

this story was a nice reminder that i have the capacity to make a difference. :)

it's a little cheesy (and teacher-biased), but it made me smile. so enjoy or ignore...but here it is. :)

WHAT DO TEACHERS MAKE?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest, "You're a teacher. Be honest. What do you make?” The teacher replied, "You want to know what I make? She paused for a second, then began ...

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5
without an iPod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make?"

She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.

"I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them criticize.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write.

I make them read, read, read.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while
preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life."

The teacher paused one last time and then continued...

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?"

p.s. i love chicken tikka masala (yummy din-din) and the office, season 2 (i doubt i will ever tire of this fantastic show).

prayer

2007-02-01T16:44:00.000-08:00

i'm not going to pretend to know anything about poetry and the intricacies of the stanzas and rhyme and other poetry 'buzz' words i remember hearing in english classes. in spite of my lack of poetic knowledge, i am able to say that i recognize when i can make small connections between words (a song lyric, a note from the universe, a card from a friend) and my own life.

i came across this poem on a fellow blogger's page and the words made my eyes well up (not hard to do...but still).

praying

it doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~ mary oliver ~

it describes a perspective and approach to life that i have been attempting to embrace and embody for awhile. to find God not just in church or bible study or when i read my bible at night...but to recognize it in the everyday things. to come to Him and just talk and be myself. not 'jill the ultimate christian with all the right words'. to be honest and sincere and talk to my Savior like he knows me best.

our bible study has just begun reading/discussing a book on prayer. we're only three chapters in, but it has revealed to me that prayer can just a dialogue. i can't strive to impress God by using the 'right' words and following the right pattern. prayer can be an open conversation about whatever is on my heart.

but, at the same time...i am learning that once i share the troubles of my heart, i need to be quiet and listen for God to respond. i've never heard an audible voice or received some incredible sign from above...but i've felt nudgings in everyday things, as small and insignificant as they may be. the listening and waiting is the hardest part for me, but i am learning patience day by day - in more ways than one. :)

happy thursday bloggie friends. :)

poop

2007-01-23T19:16:00.001-08:00

so, in the spirit of full disclosure of all facets of my life, let me share the lowlight of my day:

poop.

yes.

i said it.

poop.

during our math test today, a sweet (and very quiet) boy of mine had the urge for some number two. and instead of saying something, he decided to go for it. and 'it' somehow ended up all over the carpet in my classroom.

it was both disgusting and amazing - ick...but how did it get on the carpet?

anywho...i am tired and a little light-headed from the massive amount of chemical fumes poured on my floor to remedy the stink.

hope you all had a cleaner and better smelling tuesday than i did. :)

notes from the universe

2007-01-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

after my dear friend amy mentioned receiving motivational e-mails from 'the universe', i figured i could use a little pick-me-up and a bit of positive thinking a few times a week. i signed up and, though some have been a little bit in left field, today's note gave me reason to pause.

Would you believe, Jill, that there is nothing about your life today, not even what hurts, that you won't eventually appreciate, with happy tears running down your face?
Nothing.
Chokes me up just thinking about it -
The Universe

lately, i have felt that my role as a teacher, as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend have all been lacking due this overwhelming feeling of...being sub-par. and, every day, i 'hurt' myself a little bit by focusing on what i wish i had done differently - how i could have been more patient with a struggling child in my class or showed my husband how much he means to me or taken a minute to share my day with a family member or grabbed my phone to tell a friend that i was thinking of them. by focusing on all the things i wished i could have done or wanted to do (but didn't), i am playing into this nagging thought that i need to be more, be better, be everything i want to be/feel i should be all at the same time.
while this may be no revelation to those reading, i am figuring out that i cannot be the perfect ___(insert label)___. try as i might, i am only setting myself up for little pin-pricks of daily 'hurt'. throughout the course of my day/life, there will be moments of 'hurt' caused by things completely outside of myself, so, until those uncontrollable moments come, why should i be a source of pain/unhappiness in my own life? instead of focusing on how disappointed i am that i wasn't the model image of patience/love/friendship, i should delight in what i actually do each day - both the good and the bad.
and maybe, as 'the universe' predicts, i will appreciate it down the road. :)

p.s. as i go back and read my 'note from the universe', i realize that this post took a bit of a detour and went down a slightly different path that doesn't so much correlate to the initial source of bloggie inspiration. so...maybe just read the note, take some positive thoughts from it and then read my post as a separate entity. :)

kiddos :)

2007-01-17T16:42:00.000-08:00

i'm pooped...these little kiddos tire me out.
i am noticing more and more how funny it is that one kiddo can break my heart one minute(with a sigh of boredeom, a lack of effort or just general punkishness).
and then, in the very next breath, make me smile.
one kiddo made this very weary teacher smile and feel special.
this may sound totally shallow, but this child (who was making me a little crazy all day long) told me he liked my shoes and that i "looked like beautiful."
and then, his neighbor agreed and added that because i am beautiful, i am a special princess. :) i'm not sure of the logic of that argument...but i won't fight it.
hooray for kiddos who make a teacher with slept-on hair and an unfortunate growth on her chin feel a little special.
hope your days are full of happy and fun things. :)

refueled

2007-01-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

i left work earlier than normal (yay!) to get ready to head out for the conference this weekend. and because i was running on empty, i decided to stop by starbucks for a little calorie-fest known as the grande white chocolate mocha. once home, i enjoyed my yummy treat and noticed the 'way i see it' quote on the side. i'm not usually one to notice 'signs' or things that parallel my life, but, lo and behold, my cup tapped into something i have been wrestling with (and trying to ignore) the last few days. it's silly...but the words on this cup (from the maker of the world's most awesome vacuum) gave me reason to pause and realize that my worry was unnecessary. i'm doing what i can and what i know...and that's all i can do for now. so, in the event that you need a little inspiration, maybe the quote below can do something for you, as well.

Some of the best inventive moments were born out of “wrong thinking.” Most people start with the right way so they all follow the same path. The wrong way will lead to mistakes from which you can learn and create new discoveries – the kind of original ideas that come to life when we dare to be different, keep an open mind and have no fear of failure.
-- James Dyson, Industrial designer and inventor of the Dyson vacuum.

happy friday and happy weekend! we're off to monterey! :)

reflections :)

2007-01-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

even though the last week has been a little busier than normal and chock full of distractions, i made a conscious decision to end each day with some reflection on something i enjoyed, learned or was challenged by. in the spirit of new directions, i wanted to share about the last few days. i intended to post these every night...but didn't...so here is a whole post full of goodness. :)

friday: being lame with my husband and, instead of being social, curling up at home with some yummy mac'n'cheese and watching the rest of season two of 'the office'.

saturday: a trip to costco where we split some pizza and a hot dog and some delicious 55 cent soda, followed by delicious free samples and some wandering around looking at all the things that we like.

sunday: enjoying a lovely visit from my parents which included going to church (surprised they wanted to go, but glad nonetheless), walking around downtown san jose and then eating a yummy lunch. it's always a treat to see them. :)

monday: finding the delicious haribo gummy bears (which i thought i'd lost) in the back of my car - and eating them one-by-one (and saving the pineapple ones 'til last) after school while i did my teacher thing.

tuesday: trading silly ways to say 'i love you' via e-mail with my husband. [backstory: it amuses me to say things that rhyme with that phrase, such as 'grub shoe' - complete with hyperlinks to pictures of the words used. welcome to a snapshot of our relationship. weird? maybe. but i love it. :)]

wednesday: after a thought-provoking staff meeting on tuesday, i wanted to make a conscious effort to really show my students how much i appreciate their effort and hard work. starting wednesday, i was a little 'over-the-top' with the kudos, but it made such a difference. who knew the phrase '________ is on fire' would motivate them so much. and it doesn't hurt that it also makes them laugh. good times in first grade. :)

thursday (today): great conversation with a co-worker this afternoon. we haven't talked much for whatever reason (too busy?), but today we were able to share some school-related things that we're both working through. it was nice to get her perspective and it also opened up the lines of communications in the future.

the week is almost over (yay!) and i am so glad to have a three-day weekend ahead of me. i know i just got back from vacation...but getting bak in the swing of things is tiring. matt and i get a mini-break to the montery area this weekend. the reason for the visit is a reading conference my principal is sending me to, but after the last seminar at 3:00, i have a saturday afternoon free to spend with my favorite guy in one of my favorite places.

hope your weekends are wonderful and relaxing...and hopefully three days long, too! :)

redirection

2007-01-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

i've tried to sit down and write umpteen times over the last few days. i feel like i should update and share what's been going on in our little world.

but every time i start typing, my mind is taken over by the lives of other people i have met (in real life and blog life) and the real struggles they are going through. one woman gave birth to and lost a son on christmas day. another woman lost her father after a battle with illness and chronic pain. and yet another is watching her son basically fight for his life. these women (and those connected to them) are dealing with real, painful, uncontrollable things. where do i get off complaining about matt, family, my students, my job, and everything else i could find issue with?

when i consider the things that i complain/worry about on this blog, i realize that i have it pretty darn good. is it bad that the struggles of others helps me to recognize that i could have it so much worse? it probably is...so don't answer that, blog reader(s). :)

i guess the point of this post is that i want to redirect what this blog is and why i have it. i don't want it to be a blend of complaints, updates and memes. for the lovely few that read this, i want to post about things that brought my joy, that made me laugh, and that made me think.

these past few days have just reminded me that my life is so blessed. and i should try my best to be a blessing and a light to those that i come into contact with, instead of a dark cloud.

hope all is swell in your worlds.

I...

2006-12-21T17:05:00.000-08:00

found this meme on a fellow blogger's page. i thought it was neat to consider different aspects of my personality, my beliefs and my preferences. hope it makes you think about all the different 'things' you are. :)

I am...a twenty-something woman who says"Golly gee" (though this 'slang' would otherwise indicate I should be a senior citizen).
I believe...that there is a purpose for my life - and I try to fulfill it everyday.
I consider...myself blessed.
I desire...to be able to speak up for myself when I feel a little walked upon. :/
I enjoy...the crisp air and rich colors of fall. (Too bad it is almost over.)
I forget...that the little things are just that...little.
I giggle...at animals dressed in clothing.
I hope...that I am making a difference in the lives of my twenty little kiddos.
I identify...with those who feel a 'tug' to serve
I jump...at an opportunity to visit with those I hold near and dear.
I know...how to make a yummy Jell-O pudding bundt cake.
I love...knowing that what I am doing matters to some special kids - especially on the days when I want to run away from it all.
I make...my husband laugh - and he does the same for me.
I never...want to hurt those I love.
I only...want to be a source of joy and love in the lives of those I interact with.
I plan...to travel - anywhere, everywhere - we're just waiting on the finances to support our journeys. :)
I question...if I am always fulfilling the plan God has for me.
I rely...on others for validation - and am realizing that the 'approval' of others isn't as important as what I might think is best.
I smile...when I look at pictures, whether they were taken yesterday or twenty years ago.
I think...wearing beanies, scarves, mittens, sweaters, etc. is absolutely wonderful - and wish I could do it more often.
I understand...my parents more and more as I get older - and become more and more thankful for them.
I vow...to love my husband through it all until the day I die.
I wish...I wasn't so prone to the 'waterworks' - happy, sad, frustrated, angry - it doesn't matter, they'll come anyways.
I (e)xamine...how I can be a more effective teacher to my struggling students.
I yearn...to have a deeper relationship with my sister.
I zip...around town in my lovely champagne Camry. (lame - i know :))

new goodies :)

2006-12-18T16:23:00.000-08:00

after some lenghty planning and budgeting, matt and i braved the malls this past weekend to get christmas gifts for everyone in our families. all has been purchased (or ordered), so we just need to buckle down and wrap everything up nicely.
while this is a season of giving, i was a wee bit selfish and gave to myself a little bit by redeeming a macy's gift card i was given for my birthday a few months ago. with all of these wonderful holiday sales, it made sense to maximize the gifted money. :)

i was tickled by some of the great things i found and decided to share them. matt tried his best to be enthusiastic, but cute clothes and shoes don't really get him going. so, below are the (all on sale!) items i found during our weekend excursion to the oakridge mall:

*aerosoles mary-janes ~ these are the most comfy brand of shoes and i adore them.

*cheesy red christmas socks with a clumsy penguin. bright, colorful, patterned and/or cute socks are my favorite - and now i have a new pair to celebrate this season. :)

*i'm probably to old to be wearing this and it should be in the closet of a 15-year-old girl - but i thought it was funny. and, i've been told, an accurate advertisement of my skills as a hugger.

*last, but not least, i found some cute flat keds. i wear boring black flats/loafers to work almost every day and figured i could jazz up an outfit or two with some fun shoes.

i hope that you are all having a wonderful monday and enjoying the last few days before christmas. it's getting colder (or as cold as it can get in the bay area) which makes it feel a little more christmasy and wintery. i might actually get to utilize the scarves/beanies/gloves i've had in storage since london. :)

p.s. to those who read this blog: expect more mundane and silly posts over the next few weeks. i am on winter break until january 3rd (yay!) which means that i will have lots of bored afternoons while my husband works hard.

swell

2006-12-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

this is my husband.

have i mentioned how swell he is? :)

currently, i am in the midst of a doozy of a week where there seem to be too any things to accomplish and just not enough time to do it all.

while i could wallow in my stress and feel incredibly overwhelmed, i have been blessed to have this man by my side to help and take some of the load off.

he has made us dinner. yum.

he snagged me some delicious (and free) candy from work. double yum.

he saved me a parking spot right next to our apartment so i wouldn't have to trek it to the faraway spaces tomorrow morning.

he made little paper books for my students to read.

he gives wonderful end-of-the-day hugs.

he will be helping me wrangle my students into costumes for our holiday program tomorrow night.

he will help me with anything i need - whether i ask him to or not.

i just feel so lucky and blessed by him and wanted to share it with the bloggie universe.

i heart him. sappy, i know...but whatever. :)

hope you are all feeling blessed by those in your life that make things a little easier and fills your life with love and happiness.

summary and a meme

2006-12-02T14:46:00.000-08:00

the last week or so has been full. thankfully, it made the trip from monday to friday seem to fly by. but with the fullness of the week came some big things.
in summary:
to begin, thanksgiving was wonderful. i got some one-on-one time with my sister. i got to see my family. we ate lots of yummy food. hooray for the holidays.
matt's grandpa and step-grandma came out from texas for thanksgiving. the day after thanksgiving, he passed out in their hotel room and lost a lot of blood. the doctors weren't sure what the problem was but realized that a blood vessel in his stomach had burst. he spent the last week in the hospital and was released yesterday. he still isn't 100%....so there's some waiting to see how things will pan out.
matt's brother james has suffered from seizures since infancy. they used to be managed fairly well by a cocktail of medications. lately, the meds are not working as they should and he is experiencing clusters of seizures every four to five days. he's knocked out with valium every time (which takes him a few days - like 4 or 5 - to recover from). matt and his family is worried about what this will mean for james' future - so everyone is waiting to see what the epilepsy specialist can suggest.
so, after all that, things are on the upswing in the roberts' family health department. it hasn't been a huge toll on us - but it's been something on our minds. hopefully, things can be resolved soon for everyone.
as for our life...being back at work has been kinda crazy. i have realized that the kids seem to have forgotten all of our classroom rules and expectations over the holiday break, so the last few days have been dedicated to re-training them and trying to keep my sanity. :) matt and i are doing well. he is off building a wall in the garage of our friend's new condo. i was invited to partake in the festivities but declined. lame as it may be, i wanted to veg at home and i also have no clue how to put up a wall and figured i would be of little help.
since I am too lazy/wiped out to post anything else of substance right now, here is a fun little survey thingy for your amusement...or mine...or whatever.

One word. No explanation.
1. Yourself: unsure....(sorry to break the rule...but i don't know how to describe myself in one word - lame, i know.)
2. Your partner: swell :)
3. Your hair: dyed
4. Your mother: thoughtful
5. Your father: generous
6. Your favorite item: photos
7. Your dream last night: non-existent
8. Your favorite drink: water
9. Your dream car: automatic
10. The room you are in: living room
11. Your ex: high school
12. Your fear: failure
13. What you want to be in 10 years: mother
14. Who you hung out with last night: matt
15. What you're not: bold
16. Muffins: yummy
17: One of your wish list items:
18: Time: fleeting
19. The last thing you did: sipped
20. What you are wearing: layers
21. Your favorite weather: crisp
22. Your favorite book: romans
23. The last thing you ate: cookie
24. Your life: blessed
25. Your mood: content
26. Your best friend: honest
27. What you're thinking about right now: snack
28. Your car: champagne
29. What you are doing at the moment: blogging
30. Your summer: honeymoon-ish
31. Your relationship status: married
32. What is on your TV: nothing
33. What is the weather like: sunny
34. When was the last time you laughed: morning

thankful

2006-11-18T15:27:00.000-08:00

this week has been...
busy?
tiring?
productive?
stressful?
draining?
i'm having trouble finding one word to describe the previous seven days.
because i am in silly/sleepy mood, i will just make up a word combining all of these descriptions:

butiructessing.

anywho...
we went to la/slo for a wedding and visiting with friends last weekend - which was wonderful but very tiring. i felt like an old lady because the whole ride home i was so excited to be able to sleep in our comfortable bed again. :)
life in first grade is back in full force and i realized just how much i came to appreiate minimum days. i love the kids...but sending them home early was not too bad. :)
school-related commitments (meetings, trainings, etc) seem to all coincide with one another. but soon i have vacation and nobody can make me do anything.
with outside things keeping me busy/being on my mind, i tend to be a little 'snippy' with a wonderful man who has to put up with me because he married me. this has made for some stupid and unpleasant fights. but we've talked it out and things are 'us' again.

all of the things that made last week 'butiructessing' have lead me to consider the things i have that i can be thankful for. so, in the spirit of the coming holiday (and the fact that i never seem t have time to blog during the school week), here are some mushy musings about things i am thankful for:

my husband for...everything. i am realizing that i am a little crazy/emotional/difficult at times and he is the voice of reason/calm/common sense when i need it most. he's just swell. :)
my family for all of their support and help over the last year - from graduating college to moving back home to planning the wedding to having the wedding and every little thing in between.
my 'family' of friends for providing the same support, love and help - in some of the same ways as my family, but in many other ways as well. :)
having a teaching job, working with such wonderful and supportive people and spending every day with squirmy and loveable six year olds
joint roberts-rockway family thanksgiving (so matt and i do not need to decide who we want to spend the foliday with because that is a hard choice)
our growing little life in san jose ~ including our wonderful small group, our great church and the friendships we are making together

on that note, i will stop because we actually need to get going. (oops...i start blogging and time just gets away from me.) anywho, we are heading into the city for a little pre-thanksgiving feast with some friends from college which should be fun.
i hope that you all are enjoying this lovely november day (it finally feels like fall here which just makes my autumn-loving heart happy). in case i don't find some spare time to post again, happy thanksgiving to everyone. hopefully you have plenty of things to think back on and be thankful for this year. :)

about us

2006-11-04T12:12:00.000-08:00

so...i tried to post this last night but it wasn't working. but this morning, it is working again. so here is my post...just a couple hours late. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it's friday.

and what a wonderful day it is. :)

the days leading up to today have been busy and stressful. for example, halloween basically took over my classroom, we had minimum days, and i completed the first chunk of conferences with parents who don't speak much english but still tell me they don't need a translator (it went alright...but this makes for an interesting conversation). but the week is behind me.

and i now have two wonderful days to rest, relax and remember what it is like to spend time with the husband when we are not busy and distracted by the events of our days or the days to come. the next few weekends will be busy (a wedding in la, a 'how to teach writing' class for me, early thanksgiving with friends in sf, then real thanksgiving)...so we've decided to let this weekend be about us.

sleeping in.
watching movies.
playing tennis (if weather permits).
making dinner.
snuggling times.
enjoying eachother's company.

i am looking forward to a weekend where we have no set plans/obligations and can just take the days as they come. i hope that you all can enjoy this weekend and let it be exactly what you want it to be.

happy days off friends. :)

how we grow up

2006-10-29T18:37:00.000-08:00

This is my family. :)

Aren't we cute?

And isn't this a really cheesy picture? ;)

Two summers ago, the O'Reilly clan (my mom's five sisters and all those attached to them) got together for a family reunion. And during the reunion, this family snapshot was taken. :)

When I look at this picture, I can't help but smile and think about how fortunate I am to have these four people to interact with, learn from and grow up with. I know that not everyone has warm fuzzy memories of their childhoods and their families, so I apologize for the warm fuzzies that are about to come forth. As a child, how I grew up felt right and normal because it was all I knew and all I could relate to. My parents supported me in everything (within reason) I wanted to do and built me up to be the person I am today. Sure, there were problems with curfews and unsuitable boyfriends and the often uncontrollable 'wenchiness' of being a teenager. But at the end of the day, things quietly worked themselves out and we moved on with life.

Fast forward to now. I don't live with the family I grew up with. Instead, I am starting a new family (sans kids, for now) with Matt. And with this new family, I am faced with the obvious fact that how I grew up and what I am accustomed to was not the same across the board. (Duh, right?) Now, Matt's parents are wonderful and kind people who I adore...but they are definitely not like my parents. My family is more quiet and tends to avoid conflict like the plague, while Matt's parents are more 'outgoing' and like to talk things out. And as a result, Matt grew up with different norms and ways of doing things than I did. While this isn't necessarily a problem, it does present a challenge in the ways in which we communicate and 'work things out' between us.

Whenever we argue or disagree about something, the issue itself is usually VERY trivial. Not even worth any additional words. But what turns this minor, insignificant squabble into an unpleasant and silence-filled argument is the way that we handle problems and conflict. Matt grew up used to talking things out and talking things through in a calm and collected manner. I grew up used to brief outbursts of defensive words, storming off (involving me and a slammed door) and notes of apology. After that, things were fine and we went on with life. While this might not be the best conflict resolution strategy, it's what I know. So now...when Matt and I disagree, my tendency is to go on the defensive, spit out whatever I have to say and then leave it at that so I can stew. (You should be glad to know that slammed doors are no longer a part of it...look at my progress).

Is this way of arguing stupid and childish? Absolutely. Do I know how to 'fix' it? Not yet. It surprises me how instinctual and immediate it is for me to react this way. Sometimes, I hear the words coming out of my mouth and I think, "What are you doing?!?!? You love him. He is so wonderful to you. STOP!!!!!" I know that I need to train myself to argue/discuss/disagree in a way that leads to a resolution for both of us - instead of just saying what I feel I need to say and hoping that it just goes away. But I realize nothing will just 'go away' because this man will be with me for the rest of my life. I chose to share my heart and my future with him - and why should that future be full of unhappiness and stupid fights? And even though I know that a smooth and problem-free life is impossible and outside my control, I know that I can do my part make our life together happy and healthy.

So...after all the rambling and yammering on...does anyone have suggestions about adjusting your communication style? This might sound like a cop-out, but I am surprised by how quickly I jump to defend myself and try to 'win' during an argument. I hate that I do it. And I want to fix it. Any advice or tips or anything from anyone would be appreciated. Because then I can put them into practice and, hopefully, be a better communicator, which sounds really cheesy as I type it...but whatever. Cheesiness is who I am. :)

Happy week to you all!

twenty first graders, twenty-three years, one busy gal :)

2006-10-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

first off - apologies to the few that visit this blog and read my rambling/ranting/worrying and are then left to wonder how it all turned out. looking back at my last few posts, i would be curious about whether it worked out, too. :)

so...where to begin?

i was transferred to a new school about a month and a half ago. it was hard. i did not like it. for a couple of days, i actually wished i had been fired. i realize now that this was crazy talk. while it took lots of work (to prepare the room and to 'train' these little kiddos), i can honestly say that i am settled and enjoying this experience of first year teaching. the staff has been incredibly supportive and i know that they will help me if i ever need anything.

as for the day-to-day stuff, first grade is busy. i don't know where the time goes, but i have been working long days. too long. i have decided i need to leave at 5:00. matt laughs at me and says 'ok...see you then'. i'm not sure that he believes me, but i can try. :) the curriculum is getting harder, which means there is more to teach in a limited time time. some of the kids (especially my english language learners) are getting a little wide-eyed at all the things expected of them. but there is a silver lining: i've been told it 'calms' a little bit before jumping back in again. i am waiting for the calm.

work stuff aside: life is good. matt and i celebrated a month of birthday festivities (he turned 25 on the 2nd). we spread out the presents all month and went to a yummy dinner at a trendy restaurant in downtown sj where we heard other young people go. we felt so young and hip. which is probably a little lame...because we should be those things...but are not. :) we made a delicious cake that was an almost replica of the top tier of our wedding cake - which we loved! even though both of us are super busy with work related stuff, it makes the time we can see eachother that much better.

we're heading north to visit my family this weekend for my dad's 50th birthday party - which i am very excited about! i haven't seen my family for a couple weeks, so it will be nice to catch up in person and just spend time together. i want to try and post more often...but whenever i get home i just want to eat dinner and veg and hang out with matt. maybe i can sneak little blogs in here and there. maybe they can be more interesting than long-winded updates about all things me. hope all is well with you - my whopping two or three readers. :) i love to read your blogs and hope mine can (eventually) be amusing as well.

have a super week friends.

uncertainty

2006-09-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

matt is back at work finishing a project, so i figured i'd take this opportunity to venture into the bloggie world and give a little update (and have some looks at friend's pages). where to begin? my last post was on the eve of my first day in my own classroom. after two weeks, i can simply say that teaching is a learning experience. it is hard. it is draining. it is fun. it is amusing. it is rewarding. every day reveals a new opportunity for learning. i have learned time management like never before. i have learned the importance of the few hours i spend with these children everyday. i have learned that first graders can be gullible - and that is can work to my advantage (ask me about "invidible fleas"). i have learned that even when i want to go home and give up, this is what i am supposed to do. it fulfills me and brings me joy. :) and it's only just begun.
and now i wish that this is where this post can end. but i have an additional reason for my post ~ this incredible and valuable learning may be short-lived. our school, and the district as a whole, are under-enrolled which means that there is a need for fewer teachers all around. at my school, they need three teachers instead of four and since i am the only new teacher at my site, i am first in line to be relocated/released.
while no official decisions have been made yet, it is likely that i will be moved or let go. leaving my school and my sixteen students would be awful, but a relocation would be better than nothing. unfortunately, nothing is also a possibility. my contract is for temporary employment, which i understood as a one-year contract. however, i found out that temporary can mean whatever it needs to mean - and could result in me not having a job.
i hate to freak out about something that is only speculation, but i feel like i need to prepare myself for whatever may come. my principal told me that he wanted to let me know what the possible outcomes were, just in case he was told he had to let me go. the fact that he told me makes me think that it doesn't look good - but keep telling myself that i can't lose hope. i know that he is pulling for me to stay at the school and i hope it does some good.
my mind is just all over the place about what could happen in different scenarios. if i am let go, then my pursuit of my clear credential would be delayed another year, thus delaying our plans to move out of state. could we live off one income? could i find another teaching job this late into the school year? if i am relocated, where would i go? what grade would i teach? so many questions. and at this time, no answers.
at this point, worrying will only make me stressed. i know that whatever comes of this will be the path i am supposed to take. i know that God is faithful and already knows my path. i just need to remind myself that my life is in His hands. easy to say...but harder to remember. i hope and pray that this journey i am on will continue, but at this point i also need to realize that my hopes and prayers are on such a small scale. hopefully this post will have a follow-up where everything is fine and i can laugh off the worry i am feeling now.
if you can, keep me in your thoughts and prayers as these next few days pan out. i don't know if these thoughts are coherent. to be honest, i am too lazy/drained to proofread. :)
besides this speed bump, life is great. i have the support of a husband that listens to me and hugs me while i cry it out and then tells me we'll be fine, no matter what. i have a job that i love - and the experience i have had so far has been worthwhile. we're part of a new church family and a great small group that is welcoming and encouraging. my family is great and supportive, too. and my sister is going to c.p. in less than two weeks - and i am excited to be able to visit her (and my old hometown). :) i have wonderful friends who encourage me and bring smiles to my face whenever i think of them (though i could be better about the keeping in touch thing).
so there it is - the good with the bad. i am tired and am off to relax in my comfy cozy bed. i hope you have a wonderful weekend of relaxation and good times. :)
~jill :)

tomorrow...:)

2006-08-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

tomorrow begins one of the biggest, scariest and most crazy undertakings i have ever taken on.
as of tomorrow morning at 8:40 a.m., i will be a first grade teacher.
over the last few days, i have felt stressed, then calm, then nervous, then prepared, then frazzled...who knows what tomorrow morning will bring. my poor husband tries to tell me it will all be fine and i will be a wonderful teacher. sweet and supportive, huh? i'm lucky to have him...but i kind of wish i really believed him. :)
ready or not...here it comes and i can only be along for the ride, wherever it takes me. whether you pray, meditate, cross fingers, or whatever else can be done to send good thoughts, i would greatly appreciate some headed my way. :)
when i get my act together, i will post pictures of my lovely little first grade classroom...i just have to remember to bring my camera to school. :)
hope you has a blessed week and i will (try to) be updating more often.
~jill :)

fresh

2006-08-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

i am pleased to report that this week, which started out kind of 'blah', is ending with fresh outlooks on some aspects of life that were stressing me out or lacking in some way. what a difference a few days makes.
the enormous and messy pile of stuff (desks, computers, chairs, textbooks, paper, teacher editions) in the middle of my new classroom overwhelmed me. every time i walked in, i wondered...what am i going to do with all this - and how can i make this a place where students can actually learn? after a few days of sorting, organizing and rearranging, it's actually starting to look like a classroom. there's still a long way to go...but i now have a fresh start on what was originally daunting.
my dear friend aimee from college came over yesterday. we haven't seen eachother since my wedding and all phone calls since then have just been too brief. she is also venturing out into the world of first year teaching and it was nice to talk with someone who shared my "oh my gosh - i have no idea what i am doing! how could anyone hire me???" we were able to discuss our worry and nervousness and excitement about it...and also catch up on the important stuff, like what's happened in both our lives for the last three months. she is such an encouragement to me and just spending some time with her and talking through it all helped me to release some of my worries over the coming school year and take it as it comes. :) (i'll let you know how this 'take it as it comes' thing goes)
matt and i attended a church in fremont (about 40 miles from our apt) with some good friends of ours from poly. we were heading to fremont on wednesdays (for youth group) and sundays (for chruch services). basically, this was a lot of driving and attending church/youth group was kind of draining...not because of the things that happened once we were there, but because in order to get there, it required enduring bay area traffic. not fun. anywho, after lots of talking, we decided to find a new church closer to home. we were nervous because we had no idea where to go and meeting new people can be hard because neither of us is the super outgoing type. luckily, a coworker of matt's recommended the church he attended. we attended and we love it. we tagged along to a buble study wednesday and, once again, were a little nervous. but we felt comfortable and welcome in this new group and we're excited to continue. what seemed negative (leaving people and a church we loved) gave way to this new beginning...with less impact on our gas tanks. :)
this weekend we're going to rocklin - yay! i miss my family and am excited to see them and go to the state fair. it will probably be a million degrees, but the fair is always a fun place to be. i'll try to bring the camera and, maybe if we take any funny pictures i'll post about the california state fair. any requests for pictures? mullets? livestock? deep-fried twinkies? let me know. :)
happy friday and have a blessed weekend.
~jill :)

apologies for the lack of structure and order to this post...just had a lot to put down and didn't want to muddy it up with transitional sentences :)

funk

2006-08-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

do you ever have a day (or days) where you just feel...blah? it's not sad or angry or anything for that matter - just blah. there isn't one tangible, identifiable reason to explain it, but it's there nonetheless. when this happens to me, i call it a funk. unfortunately for those individuals who i come into contact with, i am currently going through one of these funks. and i'm sure that i am just a delight to be around. ;)
what makes this a not-so-great place to be, emotionally, is that i can't just pinpoint what needs to be changed in order to break through the blah's. things with matt are good and i appreciate him wanting to do the 'man thing' of fixing my problems. but without being able to articulate how he can be mr. fix-it, he can't do anything. also, the school year is around the corner and, if anything, i am getting even more excited to start this new adventure i've been anticipating since march. and, on top of all that goodness, matt and i are lucky enough to be spending the weekend with my family, which will be a nice opportunity to visit before the busy-ness of 'real life'. as i write this, i am getting frustrated with myself for wallowing in this funk when the major aspects of my life are good overall.
i'm not sure what this post is...an outlet to share my thoughts...a request for anyone that relates...an invitation for funk remedies...i'm not sure. i'll just write it down and put it out there. and by the next time i post, i'm sure this funk will be long gone. :)
thanks for reading...happy wednesday.
~jill :)

bits of happiness :)

2006-08-03T16:43:00.000-07:00

august is off to a wonderful start and i just felt like dociumenting it...because there's no telling how august will conclude. hopefully the first graders won't drive me crazy. :)
some things that have brought me smiles and bits of happiness the past few days are:

playing our own version of frisbee golf at the park with matt
drinking snapple raspberry white tea - baby white tea leaves sure are refreshing. :)
talking with matt - from serious to silly and everywhere in between
enjoying the hot tub in our complex - i love the bubbly tub :)
new pictures of family/friends/favorite things on our walls
generic orange creamsicles
catching up with an old friend from slo
the smell of banana bread wafting from my kitchen...yum

other than these little things...life has been pretty low-key. no work means i am a little bored during the day, but i always fill it with something. i've probably read more books over the summer than i did throughout college (reading books for fun, not class, that is). these days will be gone soon...so i should enjoy the free time to enjoy books, baking and being 'bored'. hopefully this little post will make other people happy and think about what makes them smile - i know i always like reading what people i care about are jazzed about. happy thursday all.

~jill

ramblings...

2006-07-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

yay - i am now 'unemployed'! :)
after working for bed bath and beyond for the last month and a half, my last day was yesterday. in the spirit of reflection - what have i learned? first off, working in retail is something i haven't done since high school and while it was a fun experience and an opportunity to meet some great new people, i am glad that this industry will not be my life's work. i need structure and a set week-to-week schedule...and no weekend shifts will be nice, too. :) on a more positive note, i am now almost annoyingly (in the opinions of my mom and husband) educated about random products we sold. so if you are in the market to purchase fine china, fancy flatware, overpriced stemware or gaudy wedding keepsakes, i can bore you with details about all kinds of things. all in all, it was a fun and easy way to pass time while matt was at work, but i am glad to have nights and weekends back.
with the end of this 'chapter', it means that my summer vacation is coming to a close. i'm realizing that time has flown by so quickly! the wedding seems like forever ago...and it was only 2 and a half months ago. to be honest, i'm okay that time has passed quickly because in this short time, we've settled into a schedule and lifestyle that works for us. of course, that schedule will probably need to be adjusted once i start teaching - but i know we'll adapt and make it work. life is great and i am just looking forward to the next few weeks of freedom and relaxation, where i can spend time with matt without other things weighing on my mind. this is a unique and special time. i need to seize this 'honeymoon phase' and embrace it before real life takes over everything and the 'honeymoon' feeling is sadly replaced by lesson plans, hard drives (matt's work) and chores. :)
this post has no real point to it...i'm just talking about stuff. i suppose that is what blogs are for - a venue to talk/vent/ramble without anyone actually needing to listen. to those reading, thanks for 'listening'.
~jill :)

being (almost) grown-up

2006-07-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

exactly one month from today, i will have completed my first day as a full-fledged first grade teacher. there will be no master teacher to defer to if i mess up - it's just me and the kids. i am at the same time excited beyond belief and scared out of my mind. new circumstances are always met with worry and doubts about how things will work out. while at this time i feel like i am in no way qualified/prepared to teach twenty english-language learners - i know that i would not have been hired if the principal hadn't felt that there was some shred of competency and ability in me. basically, i know that i am my own worst critic and fretting only makes it worse. :
while the day-to-day teaching and lesson planning will keep my plate full, what is dominating my thoughts are the first crucial days. in the first week, i need to set the tone for the rest of the year in terms of discipline, routines and my own expectations of the students. during both of my student teaching assignments, i came into an established classroom and only needed to observe how the teacher did things and then emulate their proven methods when i was the full-time teacher. i didn't have to initiate and establish anything on my own - which means i have little experience in this regard. right now, my head is so full of ideas from textbooks, other teachers and college lectures that i just need to filter through the ideas and decide what works for me.
so, whatever your beliefs, prayers, happy thoughts, crossed fingers or whatever would be greatly appreciated as i dive into this new endeavor and begin preparations.

other than minor anxiety over the things to come, life is blessed. my last day at bed bath and beyond is sunday. it's been fun, but i'm ready to have my weekends with the hubby back. also, matt and i have decided to seek out a new church closer to home. we've been part of a church in fremont (about 30-40 minutes away) and as much as we love the service, the drive (and traffic) takes it out of us. finding a church is never easy, but i know we'll eventually find something that suits both of us. hopefully sooner, rather than later. :)

since it's friday, i'll say happy weekend all! i will be spending the majority of it at bb&b. :( hope your weekends are more eventful and fun.
~jill :)

'we' instead of 'me'

2006-07-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

when i was in high school, my parents (out of parental worry and the goodness of their hearts) established a quasi-strict, at least by my 17-year old standards, curfew. going places and doing things needed permission or approval in some form or another. being the rule-abiding and 'good clean fun' girl that i was, it didn't bother my much. sometimes, i just itched for some more freedom - not to do bad things, but just to be able to compeltely make my own decisions about what i did, who i did it with, etc.
once i left for college, i was granted that freedom. just as i did during high school, i was still a 'good clean fun' kind of girl. for me, this freedom meant ordering a pizza from woodstock's at 10:00 at night, starting a movie after midnight, going to a friend's dorm/apartment when i should be at home studying/sleeping. i truly enjoyed being able to make a decision that did not require me to consult with anyone else. as small as these decisions were, i was the only opinion that mattered. as i write this, i realize it was a selfish mind-set to have...but in the world of roommates, it was acceptable to 'do my own thing'.
now, months after finishing college and the lifestyle i maintained throughout those five-ish years, i find myself in a situation similar to my pre-college days. in may, i married my best friend, matt. prior to our wedding, i was living/finishing student teaching in slo while he was working hard and bringing in the bacon in san jose. though we were still together, we lived our separate lives in different cities. for the last two months, i have been so fortunate to finally be able to see him every day, talk to him (in person, that is), share a bed with him and all the other blessings that come along with marriage.
but there is this small part of me that is still getting used to the idea of being a 'we' instead of 'me'. i got so used to doing what i wanted when i wanted. if i was hungry for something, i could hop in my car and go get it ~it didn't affect anyone. to do that same exact thing now, i feel compelled to get him on board wityh me so that whatever it is can be something we do together since i don't want to be off by myself when i could spend time with him.
i know this should not be a surprise to me ~ but compromise is something i will continually need to work on in my marriage. we do a pretty good job or 'trading off' things that one of us enjoys more than the other. it will take time to get completely used to the concept that we are now a 'package deal'.
instead of viewing marriage as giving up the independence and freedom i grew accustomed to during college, i want to look at it as an opportunity to support him in things he wants and also allow him to support me in things i want wihtout feeling guilty. this rambling probably has little focus/cohesion, but i have been thinking about my feelings towards how i used to live my life and how it is different now. embracing this new life ~ and all the wonderful advantages and joys associated with it ~ is all i need to refocus my thinking. :)
~jill

blog switcheroo

2006-06-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

after having a myspace account for the last year or so, i realized that some readers of my blog postings were not people i knew well, which made me feel slightly censored in what i said/talk about. none of it was particularly scandalous or extreme, but i worried how these people i barely knew or old friends from high school would take statements i made.
some friends have started using blogger, and the freedom they have in their postings appealed to me because it seems to be more about the writing and sharing ideas/issues than posting comments, showing quiz results and looking at pictures.
i'm hoping to post often...but sometimes i get lazy or feel that the boringness that is my life is not worth reading. but when the mood strikes or i feel the need to get something out, you know where to find me. :)